


Nova

by cresselia8themoon



Category: Pinky and the Brain
Genre: Alien AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28927311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresselia8themoon/pseuds/cresselia8themoon
Summary: AU. Brain and Snowball are aliens from an abandoned colony on the moon seeking to take over the planet they call Terra. Meanwhile, Pinky's just an Earth mouse enjoying the simple things life's got to offer him. But goals aren't always so clear-cut and things don't always go according to plan.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. Penumbra

_New Selenian Date 3015.1.14_

_Good evening, Terrans._

_Now that I've built a working radio transmitter out of spare parts strewn about various abandoned New Selenian labs, I can send transmissions to your planet without pesky interference from the vacuum of space._

_The purpose of these messages is to prepare you for the arrival of your future conquerors. Yes, plural. My friend, Snowball, shall be aiding me in the conquest of Terra. He has declined to join me for these transmissions, though I'd like to give him credit for his brilliance anyway. Snowball is excellent at challenging even the most intellectual minds, and I firmly believe that together, we can rise above the dilapidated remains of New Selene and lead Terra into a golden age._

_You will refer to me as the Brain, because it's the best word in your most prominent language to describe my mental capacity. Our proximity to your planet has enabled the Selenian scientists who once lived here to adopt Terran languages based off what was gathered over your communications._

_We are currently building a vehicle that will enable us to visit and scout Terra's surface so we can determine the best approach to taking over the planet. It's a slow process due to the scarcity of parts, but we're getting closer to our goal every day._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

Terra was a mysterious planet. Half engulfed in shadow, the other half a massive swirl of green, blue, and white. Always a constant presence and evading his grasp.

Brain pressed the reverse button on the radio clipped against his black jumpsuit. He tapped his earpiece and freed his left antenna that had gotten caught against the filter which converted his voice to a radio wave. Then he settled against the metal roof of the lab and waited for a reply.

Static buzzed in his ear. Snippets of questions and commands from other frequencies zipped by, though none were meant for him.

Still, Brain waited. Surely, someone would detect an anomaly and attempt to pinpoint it. According to the lab archives, Terrans were highly interested in searching for life beyond their planet, but had yet to successfully contact another intelligent species. He thought they would've seized their opportunity as soon as it was presented to them. Apparently, he'd overestimated their intelligence.

Patience wasn't his virtue. Snowball had always been much better at the waiting game.

Then again, perhaps Penumbra Lab's iron plating interfered with his transmission. However, he detested the idea of venturing into the barren wasteland for a better signal. It was impossible to focus with the sense of impending doom if he let the structure out of his sight for more than a few minutes.

It was necessary to visit the other nine labs scattered around New Selene for scavenging trips. He wouldn't deny it. But Penumbra Lab was the only one that offered an unobstructed view of the colorful Terra, cutting through the vast blackness above and the lumpy gray below.

He was distracted again. His most unwelcome thoughts always crept up while Snowball was out of communicator range.

That blasted _aisam_ better come back with a useful haul, or so help him.

And sitting idle wasn't helping either.

Brain descended from the roof, walking along the safe path along the scaffolding on the building's western side. It was a leftover from an old renovation project, but it would never be completed due to New Selene's sudden abandonment.

It was a shame too. The expanded lab would've hosted an enormous scope with high magnification action. It could've been an excellent resource for observing Terra.

He slipped through a crevice between two iron plates at the scaffolding's base, keeping to the space between the inner and outer walls of the lab. A female _mos_ trilled persistently on the other side of the inner wall, smelling his presence but unable to breach the iron.

Mating season was an irritating time in the Selenian cycle. Brain couldn't walk into the _mos_ -populated areas without being challenged to a fight or propositioned within seconds.

Snowball found those incidents amusing. Brain entertained the notion of throwing him into a lab full of hormone-crazed _aisam_ as payback.

The walkway led into a spacious backroom, mercifully blocked from curious _mos_ by a large, impenetrable titanium door, one of the few structures in the lab that remained in top condition. Glass panels completely covered the right wall, giving him a breathtaking view of Terra. Even the webbed, spiraling cracks in the corners did nothing to diminish the azure planet.

Brain stored the filter and earpiece on the bottom shelf of a long bureau, but kept the radio against his side in case Snowball, or even a Terran contacted him. He picked up a wrench and tightened the bolts of the _Conquistador_ 's front leg.

The framework of the _Conquistador_ was almost complete after a long and arduous Selenian cycle of just working out an optimal design. Sections of their conquering vessel had to be reworked if materials weren't as abundant as they'd hoped. Supply runs to the other labs were time-consuming, and Snowball could only transport so much at a time.

Brain wasn't much help on supply runs either. They'd learned that lesson quickly. He was better off in the safety of Penumbra Lab, surrounded by leftover technology and tools, where the ventilation system made it possible for him to hear his own voice without a radio.

How Snowball weathered the constant solitude, he would never understand.

It wasn't an ideal system by any means, but it worked.

The computer beeped, a scanning program indicating completion on the giant screen. Brain had set it to analyze the numerous satellites and space debris surrounding Terra's orbit before he'd gone to the roof for his first transmission. They needed a route that wouldn't put them at risk of a collision course.

An overview of Terran technology would prove useful as well, even if it was inferior to the cutting edge of Selenian machines.

Brain finished securing the bolt and set the wrench aside, then headed to the computer and turned off the beeping. He really needed to reprogram the noise to be less irritating to his ears. Within a few button presses, he brought up an extensive list of files ranging from pictures to satellite capabilities to material analysis.

There were a lot of files to sift through and prioritize. It could easily take him an entire lifetime to get through the entire list.

He picked a file at random, one labeled _Google_Satellite_ ,_ and transferred it to the hologram projector. A blue 3D image of a satellite illuminated the room, hovering lazily above the projector. He grabbed a spare set of black gloves from a nook at the base of the computer. It had been cut and resized from a Selenian's three-fingered hand, outfitted with touchpads at the fingertips.

Something shifted in the back of the nook, catching Brain's eye as he replaced his gloves. Curious, he reached in and withdrew a rolled blueprint.

Snowball's neat, script-like penmanship was printed across the folds.

Brain shook his head at Snowball's subpar organization skills. He didn't care how the _aisam_ arranged his cargo on the road, but the lab was Brain's territory and therefore he had the final say in where everything should be placed.

A burst of curiosity overtook his annoyance and he unfolded the blueprint, breath catching in surprise at the sight of a redesigned _Conquistador_. It was a rough sketch, but it was mostly similar to the framework of what they'd completed so far, except the front of the ship on the blueprint had a more outwardly streamlined appearance.

True, it would boost their maximum speed, and the design wasn't difficult to incorporate in the current framework either. And then he noticed the overhaul in the interior design.

Originally, they'd planned four major sections: the control room in front, Snowball's room at starboard, Brain's room at port, and the pantry and other miscellaneous supplies in the back.

Snowball had switched the position of the pantry and Brain's room, expanding his accommodations so would be able to keep his transmission equipment and computers for monitoring various files and Terran communications. There was plenty of space for a functional sleeping area too.

It was really…nice, for lack of a better word.

A small guilty pang rose in his stomach, but he pushed it down quickly.

He was still annoyed with Snowball. A thoughtful gift didn't change that.

Tiny, chilled claws pricked his left arm, pricking his fur beneath the jumpsuit. Brain shuddered, a rush of cold electricity flowing into the receptors at the tips of his antennae and tail, announcing Snowball's arrival.

Always one to make an entrance, that _aisam_.

"Ruining your own surprises, Brain?" Snowball said amiably, like he was asking about New Selene's non-existent weather patterns and not currently spreading frostbite across Brain's nervous system. "I so hoped you'd leave this one alone, or at least had the decency to pretend you hadn't seen anything."

"I hate surprises," Brain grumbled. He swung his stiff, zigzagged tail around, whacking it against Snowball's free hand and returning the electricity in kind. Snowball grimaced, though his jumpsuit insulated him against most of the shock. His grip slackened and Brain stepped out of reach, rubbing the numbness out of his arm. "You're tracking dust. And don't leave your things lying around."

Snowball's lower lip jutted into an innocent pout, his pointed ears flattening. "You're not even the slightest bit curious about my little trip? I'd also accept 'Hello, Snowball' or 'Welcome back, Snowball'. Why must you always destroy my dreams of a warm homecoming, Brain?"

 _Aisam_ were endemic to Selene's polar caps, so perhaps that's where Snowball formed his skewed definition of warm.

Brain filed the blueprint among its brethren, placing it near the front so it would be easy to locate later.

Snowball studied the pale claws which jutted out from his gloves, a thin layer of mist coating the tips. Whoever came up with the idea of genetically heightening their natural adaptations to match their native environments needed to be fed a pot of rotten _dholmuth_ , in Brain's opinion.

What good were enhanced abilities in this pitiful excuse for a lab?

"Your contribution is appreciated, Snowball," Brain finally ground out. He scowled at Snowball's smug grin. "I refuse to repeat myself."

"See? That wasn't so difficult," Snowball said, casually flipping a switch back and forth on the computer's control panel. "Though your timing leaves much to be desired. Something to work on in the foreseeable future, I suppose."

The familiar banter was refreshing and if he was honest, sorely needed, though Brain would be remiss if he ever admitted it aloud.

"You took your time on this particular excursion," Brain said, settling for a neutral statement because the alternative of 'what took you so long?' and any similar questions sounded ridiculously desperate.

"Yes, well, Eclipse Lab is a little off the beaten path. If you'd accompanied me, the job would've been much more exciting. Staring at dust and rocks can get so painfully droll after a while," Snowball shrugged.

"You…went to Eclipse Lab?" Brain repeated. He couldn't have heard that right. He'd ruled out Crescent Lab because it wouldn't have put Snowball out of communicator range, and Zenith Lab had been stripped of all useful materials a long time ago. "What possessed you to go there of all places?"

Eclipse Lab was the southernmost structure, located in an area permanently shrouded in darkness. It was where they'd been genetically altered after being poached from their native homes on Selene, where Brain first recognized the concepts of _cold_ and _dark_ , where he and Snowball met and banded together for survival.

When they were transferred to Penumbra for behavioral studies, Brain never looked back.

Snowball tsked, shaking his head in disappointment. "Ah, ah, Brain. Remember, you mustn't let your fear overrule your intellect. That's why the scientists abandoned New Selene. They were afraid. Those _scrik_ -bitten fools pursued knowledge, but they couldn't see it through to the bitter end."

"I'm not afraid," Brain retorted.

He knew it was petulant, he knew Snowball didn't believe him, but he didn't care.

"What was that saying again?" Snowball tapped his chin thoughtfully. "That silly, useless phrase Selenians love repeating ad nauseam?"

" _Nova suphri li ihmin var altal_ ," Brain muttered. The phrase was permanently ingrained in his mind. Completely useless, of course.

"Empty words for empty minds," Snowball scoffed, snatching Brain by the arm and leading him to the glass panel, where colorful Terra hung in the endless dark backdrop. Snowball's chilly grip numbed his arm, yet Terra allowed him to endure. "But you and I are leaving because of a far nobler cause, Brain. Terra requires our talents, our cleverness, our ingenuity. No longer will we idle away in these ruins, but sit as great kings on golden thrones!"

"Statues to commemorate our glory and jewel-encrusted cummerbunds have a certain appeal," Brain admitted. He could indulge himself with visions of a wonderful reign every once in a while. And Snowball thought he was without humor.

"Always you and the cummerbund," Snowball sighed. "A cape is much more intimidating."

Brain removed Snowball's hand and marched over to the side door where Snowball's rover was parked. A bundle four times his size was tied up in the back, ready to be sorted and utilized in the _Conquistador_. He could already see a few machine parts that were hard to come by, proving Snowball right about visiting Eclipse Lab for materials.

However, that didn't mean he had to like it.

"Come, Snowball. Whatever you brought needs to be worth the trip," Brain said before taking an armful of parts from the rover and scattering them across a workbench.

Snowball crossed his arms. "We have a goal to achieve, Brain. We can't afford to put limits on ourselves, now can we?"

"Of course not," Brain agreed. "That would be foolish."

_Nova suphri li ihmin var altal._

Brain hurried into the lab with the next bundle. Clearly, the vacuum of space was affecting his cognition much more than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have an Alien AU because it's fun (and also probably because I've watched too much of the original Star Trek but hey)!
> 
> Also all Selenian words are literally just me stringing a bunch of random syllables together. It's not based off anything except an online alien word generator. With the exception of nova, since that's already a word but I'm allowed to steal from the English language. Plus I happen to like the name of this fic cause it surprisingly didn't take long to come up with. I just wanted a cool space-themed word.
> 
> Aisam: Snowball's species, similar to hamster.
> 
> Mos: Brain's species, similar to mouse.
> 
> Dholmuth: An edible fish-like creature notorious for its smell.
> 
> Scrik: A flea-like pest.
> 
> Nova suphri li ihmin var altal: I ain't telling y'all yet, though the existing definition for nova does apply to a certain degree.
> 
> Next chapter: Pinky being fun fun silly-willy!


	2. Space Cadet

_New Selenian Date 3015.3.12_

_Terran satellite conversations are useless drivel! Nothing but pomp and circumstance about trivial subjects that don't help us plan our global domination! All this curiosity about planets and star systems beyond your own, yet you actively sabotage your own progress in space exploration! Hypocritical morons. When Snowball and I rule Terra, we shall usher in an age of science and rationality, because you obviously cannot be trusted to run your own planet without blowing it up several times over!_ _Why, you have less intelligence in your collective brains than I have in my pinky!_

_Alright. Just inhale…exhale. Inhale...exhale._

_I needed that tirade. Progress on the Conquistador has slowed and is approaching an impasse of the highest caliber. The outside paneling requires special attention and shielding because we do not wish to burn upon entering Terra's atmosphere. However, the thermal protective system we'll be developing will likely be rudimentary at best, fatal at worst due to lack of top of the line equipment. The Selenians managed to conserve enough fuel in their ships to leave the colony and presumably return to their original planet, with the exception of one ill-fated vessel which experienced a malfunction when they first arrived on New Selene._

_I have no choice but to visit the crash site of that particular ship with Snowball. If fortune is on our side, we'll have a ragged version of the paneling we need, but…I will be in close contact with the electrical firing of Snowball's neurons. An unfortunate side effect of my genetic enhancement from a mos's natural inclination to electricity. The distance from Penumbra doesn't help matters either._

_Ah…I'll cut this transmission off here. Snowball's calling in, for once._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

"He called my name," the mouse whispered, awestruck by the deep voice that crackled through the chipped Walkman radio. He rolled his skinny tail between his paws, joyful tears swimming in his vision and making everything blurry-whirly. "He said my name!"

He had many names alright. From Gouda to Zort to No, We Don't Know Why That Subject Says Narf. From what he remembered of his parents and Sis, they called him _Chchchrree_ mixed with sniffy noises. It was hard to say for everyone else though, even him. It was the sniffing part, really. It tripped everyone up.

But none of his names fit him quite like Pinky.

Oh, he was being rude, wasn't he? He may be a sliced gene lab mouse, but he was a sliced gene lab mouse with manners!

The newly named Pinky fiddled with the slider on the Walkman. There were a lot of numbers, and he didn't know which one let his voice through, so he eeny-meeny-miney-moed between all of them until his finger landed on 92.

92 was a good number. Nice, funny, and a pretty figure.

"Haha, narf! Hello, the Brain!" Pinky laughed into the Walkman. "I know you're probably busy with the Conquesowhatsit, so you can just listen to this whenever you're free! Anyway, I'm Pinky and I've been listening to your messages for months! And you said my name just now! It made me so happy I cried!"

Nothing but crackling static answered. A click came from the hallway, the aircon kicking in and blowing a cool wind through the lab. Machinery hummed, screens flickered, squeaks from other mice echoed.

Pinky waited. He would wait however long he needed to. The voice would reply, he was sure of it.

"Brain, is it…is it lonely up there?" Pinky asked. He was very bad at the waiting game. He lost to himself every time. "You sound sad. And grumpy. Grumpy-sad, even. What makes you happy? The stars? I'm happy looking at the twinkly stars. They must be even prettier from space."

Pinky waved at the gorgeous night sky. Countless stars and a silver moon to watch over them all. Pinky loved having a cage with such a view. The Brain might have a big telly-scope he could see Terra with! Terra, a lovely name for a lovely world! And to think Pinky had been calling it Earth like a silly-billy goat gruff.

Though the Brain might not be able to see him…he was practically the size of a mouse after all. Unless Pinky climbed to the highest point of the Great Mall of China! Everyone knew the Great Mall of China could be seen from space! And he could eat yummy dumplings there too!

Pinky twiddled his thumbs. He shouldn't keep the Brain away from his super important work much longer. "Tell Snowball I said hi, okay? And thank you for the name. Same time again tomorrow night, right? Good night, the Brain. Sleep tight and don't let the spacebugs bite. Cause then it gets itchy. Poit."

There was no answer. There wasn't usually. Maybe the Brain was shy. It was okay though. He was probably saying good night too, in his own grumpy shy way.

Pinky turned off the Walkman and yawned, stretching his arms above his head. Then he slipped back into his cage, the bars spaced wide enough for him to slink through. He was still working on opening the cage door. TV always made escaping cages look so easy.

His straw bed was bathed in a patch of silver moonbeams tonight. That was good. Light always helped him sleep easier. Pinky flopped into the straw and pulled Mr. Button close, like his parents had done for him and Sis when they were babies. Mr. Button was hard, round, and green, but he was still a good cuddle buddy.

He had a big day of wheel running, maze running, and running to Pharfignewton's stable tomorrow. Best to get some shuteye now and be bright-eyed and floppy-tailed tomorrow. He fell asleep with Mr. Button cradled loosely in his paws, dreaming of a land filled with delicious cheese.

o-o-o-o-o

Pinky ran on his wheel for his pre-breakfast exercise, finished off the remaining food pellets in his bowl, and even squeezed in a little pampering time before he was scooped up by the tail and dropped into a maze.

It was routine, and how he loved all sorts of routines! Bonking into walls nose-first was always fun, especially when he saw dizzy circling stars until he fell over like a limp noodle. Of course, he never could finish a maze, which made many of the humans puzzled and confuzzled while they scratched their heads and snapped pictures with their smartphones.

Mazes were hard. If he bounced high enough and clung to the wall like a Spidermouse, he could see the yummy cheese at the very end, but he wasn't very good at getting there. He even tried the summoning spell he'd seen in one of the Harry Potter movies so the cheese would come to him instead, but his comes-and-goes telephonetic magic skills didn't help him either.

The day passed like normal. Get lost in maze, lunch break, try another maze until he got more lost than the people stuck on an island in that one very confusing show, until he was finally brought back to his cage before the lab closed for the day.

Today, the lab had closed in the mid-afternoon, the sun still shining brightly in a pretty blue sky. Pinky could spend several glorious hours with Pharfignewton before the Brain's nightly message over the Walkman.

Pinky squeezed through the cage bars, taking a flying leap off the counter and landing belly-down on the squishy seat of a spinning chair. He giggled as the chair slid back and spun a little, then dusted himself off and bowed to an invisible crowd. He'd been improving his landings lately. One of these days he'd definitely perfect his swan dive!

He jumped down to the floor and ran into the kitchen, wrinkling his nose at the bitter scent of leftover coffee in the pot. He'd always been a tea sort of mouse himself. Grabbing hold of the cherry-print towel that hung on the handle of the refrigerator, he counted to three (he probably put too many Mississippi's between one and two again) and hauled himself up. All those upper body strength videos were coming in handy.

Pinky balanced himself on a thin sliver of handle and the fridge door, then shoved his feet against the handle and stretched himself as far as he could.

"Narf! C'mon, Pinky!" he wheezed, feeling the strain of his tummy and leg muscles. "It's not bagel warmer science!"

He took a quick breather and gave one final shove. The door opened with a pop and Pinky lost his balance, landing somewhat painfully on the cold bottom of the fridge.

"Just like Iceland in here! Or was that the green one?" Pinky said, picking himself up from the floor and pushing the fridge door open all the way. He didn't want to be locked in again. Besides, he'd promised Pharfignewton he'd come by today. He'd feel really awful if he broke his promise. "Now if I were a horse, what would I like to eat?"

Pharfignewton couldn't eat cheese. Something about her tummy being intolerant. It was a little rude of her tummy to be honest, though she'd definitely eat cheese if she could.

Pinky peeked into each drawer, searched through every condiment bottle, but none really caught his eye as something he could bring along.

The leftover club sandwich wasn't vegetarian. Condiment bottles wouldn't fit through the mail slot.

Pinky found a box half-filled with sugar lumps, but Pharfignewton was very insistent on watching her figure in preparation for the Kentucky Derby in two months.

And then he spotted a celery snack pack with peanut butter dip on the topmost shelf.

"Egad, that's perfect!" Pinky exclaimed, shimmying up to the snack pack. He pushed a red Jell-o cup aside and snagged his prize, hugging it to his chest. The only way to make it even tastier was to find raisins so they could make ants on a log, which didn't look like real ants on real logs at all.

With the snack pack in hand, he hurried to meet Pharfignewton.

o-o-o-o-o

Pharfignewton galloped through the field, her gray mane flowing behind her like a beautiful river. No matter how many times he'd seen her practice, it never failed to amaze him. Her hooves flew like the breeze, her sky blue eyes shining in determination as she pushed herself a little further every day.

Pinky pulled himself up the fence's wooden boards, kneeling on the flat surfaces and hauling the snack pack up with him. Once he made it to the top of a wide fencepost, he opened the pack and scooped one end of a celery stick into the peanut butter, then waved the coated end in the air.

"AND THERE SHE GOES! IS SHE A BIRD? IS SHE A PLANE? NO, SIRREE BOB! SHE'S PHARFIGNEWTON, THE BEST AND FASTEST RACEHORSE IN THE WORLD!" Pinky shouted, waving the celery stick like a flag.

Pharfignewton whinnied loudly, pouring on the speed as she galloped through a space between two trees and slowed to a brisk trot until she reached Pinky. She swept out a hoof and bowed to an invisible camera, her tail flicking happily.

"Hi, Figgy Pudding! You look amazing out there! Guess what? The Brain gave me a name! I'm Pinky now! Actually, I'm Pinky. He never said Pinkynow, did he?" Pinky grinned, holding the celery stick up to her muzzle. Pharfignewton neighed in delight, and it didn't take long before all the celery sticks and peanut butter were gone. Practicing always made her work up an appetite.

Pinky licked up the remaining peanut butter, swiping his tongue along his mouth for the lingering peanut-y taste. Then he climbed onto Pharfignewton's muzzle, her eyes sparkling as she tossed him into the air. Pinky threw out his arms, laughing and sliding down her long neck. He came to a stop at the base of her mane, then flipped himself over and gave her a ginormous hug.

Pharfignewton craned her neck, a blocky smile stretching her muzzle before suddenly rearing up on her hind legs and whinnying triumphantly.

"Zort!" Pinky cried, grabbing fistfuls of her mane to stop himself from falling off. Pharfignewton took off like a firecracker, and Pinky's body lifted off her neck completely. "Hi-ho, Pharfignewton! Yippie-ki-yay!"

The ground and sky blurred together in a swirl of mashed colors, and the nearby stables were nothing more than thin brown lines in the corner of Pinky's eye.

"The pack, Fig!" Pinky yelled. "We've gotta keep the environment clean!"

Pharfignewton raced by the fencepost, snatching up the plastic lining of the snack pack in her teeth and dropping it into the garbage bin by the stables. "Whoo! Nice and tight turn there!" Pinky said, leaning forward and planting his feet against Pharfignewton's back to keep his balance. "You're gonna win the Derby for sure!"

Pharfignewton neighed, leaping over a fallen branch with room to spare.

"Right, and then onto the Triple Crown! Live your dream, Pharfignewton! Live your dream!" Pinky shouted above the roar of the wind.

o-o-o-o-o

Pharfignewton's owner, a friendly looking fellow with a big bushy beard, called for her as the sun went down. Though Pharfignewton was tired out from all her running, she eagerly trotted over to her owner and accepted a pat on the nose and a carrot. Pinky buried himself in her mane and pretended to be a tiny horse with pretty hair while the owner refilled her feed bucket and penned her in the stall for the night.

Once he was gone, Pinky sat on a wooden post next to Pharfignewton's head, kicking his feet in the air while she ate her dinner.

"Camptown ladies sing this song! Doo-dah! Doo-dah!" Pinky sang, twirling a long piece of hay in the air as his baton. He pointed the hay at Pharfignewton, who paused in her meal and neighed out the next lyric. "Oh, that was gorgeous! You're gonna be a real crowd-pleaser at the Derby!"

At the mention of the Derby, Pharfignewton stopped eating completely and rested her muzzle in the space next to Pinky. She nickered, ears pinning against her head. Pinky rubbed his nose against hers, smiling so she wouldn't worry as much.

"I'll be alright, Fig," Pinky whispered. "The Triple Crown's been your dream since fillyhood. You should go for it. Don't worry about silly ol' me."

Pharfignewton tossed her head back and whinnied, her hoof scraping against the dirt floor.

"I'll see you off when you leave," Pinky said. "And watch you on TV. I'll cheer so loudly you'll hear me all the way in Kentucky! That's a promise! A Pinky promise!"

He placed both pinky fingers on Pharfignewton's muzzle so she could have one as well. He knew she was still worried though. And it was nice to know she cared, but really, he'd be alright in the lab. He had his wheel, food pellets, and the dusty VCR that ACME hadn't gotten around to replacing yet.

"Poit. The Brain's message is gonna be coming in soon," Pinky said. "I'd best get back to the lab. Really wish you could listen him too, but the Walkman won't fit through the mail slot. I already tried."

Pharfignewton let him cling to one nostril as she gently lowered him to the stable floor. Pinky gave her muzzle one last broad stroke before setting off, waving goodbye until the stable was out of sight.

The moon rose, the first twinkling stars of the night coming out to play.

"I think you'd like her, the Brain," Pinky said to the sky. "She's amazing."

But he spent too long admiring the stars and missed the left turn on Albuquerque Street. By the time he got back the lab and turned on the Walkman, the message was already ending.

_-and traveling to the crash site tomorrow. I hope this venture will yield something useful. Out there, it will be silent. Not even my proximity to Snowball will help. He's ambitious, I'll grant him that. Our desire to rule Terra…it's what keeps us going. Perhaps a little too much, at times. It occasionally gets in the way of…certain things._

There was no sign off. Sometimes there wasn't, if the Brain felt strongly about something.

Everyone seemed to have a faraway dream that made up their entire being. And while the land of delicious cheese was pretty far from the lab, just touring through it and buying all the refrigerator magnets he could carry didn't seem to make up his entire being. Not in the way racing was Pharfignewton's life. Or how the Brain always spoke of a desire to rule Terra.

"If you have a faraway dream, I guess you have to be far away," Pinky said to Mr. Button, who only wobbled in reply. "It's okay. I'm happy they have dreams."

He had his wheel, food pellets, and the dusty VCR after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never made the promise about silly Pinky things. Shhh….
> 
> I wanted to keep Brain naming Pinky cause it's cute (also it's practical for writing but mostly cute).
> 
> To win the Triple Crown achievement, a racehorse needs to win the Kentucky Derby, the Belmont, and the Preakness. Pharfignewton's got a lofty goal, but Pinky believes in her!
> 
> ACME is really bad about updating their tech.


	3. Planet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to Earth we go!

_New Selenian Date 3015.4.13_

_After several months of grueling labor, the Conquistador is finally complete! We're proud to consider it our magnum opus for now. Of course, taking over Terra will replace it as the crown jewel of our achievements later._

_Currently, we're in the process of loading the vessel with a two-week supply of sustenance. We won't have to ration food, considering our projected route is only a one-week journey. I imagine we'll get tired of canned maza pods rather quickly though. It's nutritious, but the flavor is lacking._

_Good riddance to this barren rock. Unlike the spineless, cowardly Selenians, we're leaving for the right reasons and with an objective in our brilliant minds._

_You won't have to wait much longer, Terra. We'll be arriving soon enough._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

Despite the excitement of leaving behind his old life of a lowly _mos_ on a failing colony, he also felt some unwanted trepidation at leaving Penumbra Lab completely. He wouldn't have the thrum of the holographic projector under his fingertips, the hidden pathways he traversed to avoid the non-enhanced _mos_ , and most importantly, the sight of Terra through the large, weakening glass windows.

Terra wouldn't appear as a colorful marble in a black void once he was on the planet. He'd have an entirely new perspective.

Exciting, yet daunting.

There was also the small matter of domination, of course.

"My, somebody's ready to depart from this miserable rock," Snowball chuckled, flicking Brain's ear. It twitched against his will and wrecked his concentration. Did Snowball really think the magnet gun was going to work on its own? Somebody had to keep a constant electromagnetic field going so they wouldn't have to manually load the canned _maza_ into the ship's pantry!

Brain batted Snowball's hand away with the handle of the magnet gun and ignored the reproachful glare he was given. "I'm always ready to depart from miserable rocks, condemned labs, and irritating _aisam_ who can't keep their hands to themselves," he said, regaining control of the magnet gun and bringing the last of the canned _maza_ into storage.

"You wound me, Brain." Snowball clutched his chest with his non-bruised hand. "Your barbed words are tearing me apart from the inside. The internal bleeding is quite agonizing."

Brain rolled his eyes at the theatrics, turning the gun off and storing it inside a hidden panel on the wall. There were four similar panels with weapons aboard the _Conquistador_ , courtesy of Snowball. He'd acquired the parts from other labs and cobbled them together in his spare time, much to Brain's disapproval.

Snowball argued that they needed self-defense measures in case Terrans tried to attack as soon as the _Conquistador_ landed. Brain had created a hypnotizing belt to cover that particular issue, but Snowball didn't think it was effective enough.

There was a cold gleam in Snowball's eyes when they had that particular argument. Brain relented because he'd assumed the constant solitude was affecting Snowball's mind and he'd back to normal soon enough.

However, the normality was still missing.

But he couldn't dwell on that now. There were many preparations ahead, and he needed to focus.

"We have plenty of _maza_ pods. The overabundance worked to our advantage," Brain said. "And all important files have been transferred to the _Conquistador_ for our perusal. There isn't anything else we require, unless you believe we neglected something."

"You've covered the essentials," Snowball shrugged. "Sadly, I seem to lack…ah, how do you say it—a certain personal attachment to our current location."

Brain bristled at the mere suggestion of having an attachment to this bleak prison. Terra just happened to be visible from his usual haunts and peripheral vision, and the holographic projector was an extremely useful device, but Snowball clicked his tongue before Brain could protest.

"If you'd allow me to finish, Brain. Penumbra Lab's stocks of certain items were never replenished after its abandonment. I can't blame you for being somewhat embittered about it. Rather a confusing paradox, don't you think?"

"I'm above such pettiness, Snowball," Brain scowled.

"Of course. I never meant to insinuate such a thing." Snowball held his hands in what was meant to be a placating gesture, though it was more smug than true appeasement. "Now, while you were busy with the necessities, I took the liberty of leaving a surprise in your private room. I know, I've heard the 'I hate surprises' spiel a hundred times, but it wouldn't hurt you to humor me every once in a while."

"Forgive me for not indulging your odd sense of humor more often," Brain said dryly, but he allowed Snowball to lead him through the corridor into Brain's expanded room at the back of the _Conquistador_.

The door to his quarters automatically slid open as they approached, which Brain was grateful for. Brain expended far too much energy trying to crack open Penumbra's heavy titanium doors. Motion detector lights illuminated the left, providing just enough light for his work without disrupting the sleeping area on the right. A monitor was linked to the systems in the control room, which would alert him if anything that required his urgent attention cropped up. The earpiece and filter for his transmissions rested on a computer that contained important files related to Terra.

But what really caught his eye were the ten packets of blue, star-shaped seeds on his bed. Brain picked the nearest one up, the seeds crunching against his hand as he thumbed the plastic lining. He hadn't eaten these since he was a child, though his mind had retained the memory of a sweet flavor mixed in with the blandness of a lab creature's usual fare.

He popped a seed in his mouth, the sweetness exploding across his palate and reminding him of a bygone time before his enhancements enabled him to recognize the lab for what it was truly was.

"Snowball, how did you find _rusuphri_?" Brain asked. He'd meant to demand, but his voice sounded more breathless instead, much to his dismay. "Penumbra doesn't carry these anymore. I've searched."

"Oh, just a chance finding during one of my supply runs to Eclipse," Snowball replied. "Only the best for a dear friend. Wouldn't you agree, Brain?"

But Brain's antennae receptors only sensed cold electricity, and if there was an undercurrent of warm electrons flowing through Snowball's neurons, it vanished before he could pick up on it. He was used to this sort of output from Snowball though.

Meddling receptors. Brain flicked them out of annoyance, the red orbs bobbing in and out of his vision. He loathed Eclipse Lab. It wasn't a secret. Snowball must've known that his gift could've been rejected because of where it came from.

A risky gamble on Snowball's part, but Brain couldn't bring himself to hate the _rusuphri_ at all _._

He and Snowball had eaten these seeds all the time as children. Before everything became complicated and machinery and silence. Perhaps it was the nostalgia factor, but Brain only felt a rush of gratitude.

"Thank you, Snowball." Brain held the _rusuphri_ to his chest like a lifeline, unable to stop his lips from quirking up at the corners.

If Snowball was surprised at the rare show of appreciation, his mask of nonchalance hid it well.

o-o-o-o-o

_New Selenian Date 3015.4.14_

_Snowball and I are departing New Selene at last! We have no reasons that shall keep us from leaving this forsaken abyss!_

_I will continue sending transmissions from my private quarters on the Conquistador until our triumphant arrival on Terra._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

"Thrusters are warming up. A little light on your feet today, Brain?" Snowball smirked as Brain buckled himself into his cushioned seat in the control room. He'd just finished securing his transmission equipment so they wouldn't float away and accumulate damage. It took him several minutes longer than he would've liked since there weren't many handholds available to keep himself from knocking into the ceiling.

Brain's patience wore thin from all this disorienting levitation, and he punched the buttons on his side of the control panel to work off his frayed nerves. "Keep practicing and you'll be a showstopper for comedy night."

Every lab contained an artificial gravity field to counteract New Selene's weak pull, which was child's play to duplicate into the engineering of the _Conquistador_. It was necessary to disengage the fields for the ship and lab to avoid overworking the engines during departure.

Brain couldn't wait to get out into space. The _Conquistador_ would operate on autopilot for most of the journey, they'd have their artificial gravity back, and Terra beckoned for them to come and save it from slow-minded ignoramuses. His thoughts were much clearer when his two feet were firmly planted on the ground.

"Oh please. I wouldn't provide nearly as much entertainment as those simpletons during a _Lor Altal_." Snowball wrinkled his nose in disdain, mist trailing from his claws. He pulled a lever and brought the supporting systems online. "Swapping hearts indeed. Bah!"

"Yes. A true disappointment. We won't ever have the pleasant sight of Selenians exchanging a dripping yellow mass of cardiac tissue with each other," Brain said.

He kept his tone neutral, but Snowball was too preoccupied with inputting their takeoff trajectory into the computer to notice Brain's ears and antennae falling limp. Brain was painfully aware of the sensation, how his appendages dangled uselessly, and the nonverbal signs of weakness they screamed to the world.

 _Lor Altal_ was an intriguing ritual, purely from a scientific standpoint. How Selenians valued science and discovery, yet held their sentimental stories in high esteem was beyond Brain.

Hypocrites. They were hypocrites and if Brain had to listen to one more fictional sordid affair between royalty of warring planets...

Well, he could hardly share his opinion on how to improve those particular plotlines with Snowball. He'd believe Brain actually derived enjoyment from those sorry excuses of storytelling.

Brain punched a button with more force than necessary. A gauge flickered to life, signaling that all power was being diverted to the thrusters. The floor trembled, the engine's roar overwhelming his eardrums.

Snowball bared his sharp teeth in determination, gripping the launch controller at his station with both hands. He made an impatient noise in the back of his throat, and Brain glared back. Abandoning a deserted colony wasn't something a _mos_ did in a typical day. Brain's hands nearly slid off his own launch controller, his palms slick with a thin layer of sweat.

This wasn't a crazy dream. It was reality, the payoff from months of backbreaking labor. Snowball's salvaging trips provided the materials. Brain's engineering skills transformed them into a vessel that would carry them beyond the confines of New Selene and into territories unknown.

With the _Conquistador_ as their trusted ship, they would conquer Terra and raise humanity to new heights!

"NOW!" Snowball bellowed.

They yanked the controllers toward their bodies, their heads shoved against the backs of their seats as the thrusters propelled them into the black void above New Selene. For one brief moment, Brain thought his internal organs were being scrambled inside his body, and he was pretty sure his stomach had dropped to lower intestine level and his lungs had somehow taken up residence in his cranium. Snowball wasn't faring much better, though he was obviously in denial about needing the vomit bag under his seat.

With one final boost, the Conquistador straightened out, Brain and Snowball sliding forward as much as their straps and buckles would allow. Then they were snapped back, and everything went still.

 _Leaving New Selene orbit. Engage artificial gravity?_ a program asked.

"Still…catching my…breath…" Snowball wheezed. His limbs hung off each side of the seat, completely limp from the thrill. He slumped against the headrest, pink eyes wide and tilted to the ceiling. His chest heaved with every quick, frantic breath.

Brain's throat was far too dry and tight to work properly. With some effort, he reached over and tapped a key, confirming the program's request.

_Artificial gravity engaged._

The weightless feeling vanished, and they sank into the cushions in relief. Brain undid his straps and slid to the edge of his seat, carefully testing his weight on one foot while gripping the chair.

Once he was sure he wasn't in danger of floating away, he hurried to a side window. New Selene was just a dusty, barren pebble in the distance. Had New Selene truly been that small the entire time? The landscape seemed so endless on the surface.

But there was no use dwelling on it. Their life on New Selene was an artifact of the past.

Ahead of them stood Terra, welcoming and ripe for the taking.

Anticipation flooded through him, and his excitement was so overwhelming that he forgot himself entirely and embraced Snowball. The _aisam_ pawed at Brain's head in a vain attempt to get him off. But Snowball's needlelike claws couldn't pierce through Brain's newfound sense of purpose.

"I hope you're amused, Brain," Snowball muttered. "This bombastic display is ridiculous for any rational being."

But it was the liveliest electrical current Brain had ever picked from Snowball.

Later on, Brain would agree with him. Yet they'd accomplished their daring escape together. Now they would achieve the impossible through their combined intellect.

And he let himself revel in the triumph.

o-o-o-o-o

_New Selenian Date 3015.4.18_

_Four days since we've left New Selene. We've placed the Conquistador in autopilot mode for the most part, though Snowball and I take the helm every few hours to make sure everything's in order._

_The Selenians have plotted many theoretical routes to Terra, and our programs are currently synthesizing that information for the fastest path there._

_In less than a week, it will be worth it._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

Transmissions were easy to complete and send now that the lab's structure wasn't here to obstruct his frequencies. True, he'd never received a reply, and the vacuum of space was still a hindrance, but at least he didn't have to cart his equipment around and hope the non-enhanced _mos_ left him alone.

From the information he'd gathered about Terra, transmissions would be even simpler on the planet's surface. An atmosphere composed of a mixture of gases would enable sound to carry without the need for a voice-to-radio-wave filter. Communication mediums that sent messages in the blink of an eye.

He was feeling generous enough to give credit to the Selenians. They selected their topics of study well.

The door opened as Brain secured his equipment to the floor. Snowball strolled in, helping himself to several _rusuphri_ seeds and snacking on them while he skimmed over the file left open on Brain's computer.

"Research going well, I presume?" Snowball asked. He clicked through the pictures of various Terran landmarks and surrounding areas from a satellite's view. "Huh. Are we sure there's no official authority in charge of the entire planet? These images are incredibly thorough."

"Perhaps if you'd knock first and not touch my things, I'd be more inclined to share my findings," Brain scowled. He was willing to let the _rusuprhi_ slide because Snowball put in the effort to locate it, but Brain had been reviewing the images of a structure aptly named the Great Wall of China and he didn't appreciate losing his place.

Snowball pouted. "Come now. Is that any way to treat your colleagues, Brain?"

"If they pride themselves on being a nuisance, then yes." Brain shoved Snowball aside, then held down the arrow key until he found the number of the image he'd been on. "Now, if you're finished being an irritating _scrik,_ I might be willing to share some details _."_

"Oh, alright," Snowball sighed. "But if any of this involves locating precious metals for certain accessories…"

Brain minimized the satellite image and brought up a surveillance report on the Terran global structure. He held a preference towards this particular author, since she had the most useful information by far. Her coworkers only put in the bare minimum, which consisted of observations about shiny buildings and how colorful everything appeared.

Selenians had low standards for scientist qualifications.

"According to this report, there isn't a formal power invested in any particular being or organization for authority on the entire world, but Terra is divided into many countries and territories with complex local and international political structures. Some areas have more land, resources, or people, which leads them into conflicts with others."

"And what about this…Google?" Snowball's brow furrowed at being forced to say an unfamiliar, nonsensical word. "I've seen that name on many of the images you've found."

"A major corporation," Brain replied. "They have considerable influence in Terran politics and communications, including surveillance."

He scrolled the report, skipping over the sections about various affiliates. Snowball's eyes darted back and forth, gleaming with interest.

"Technology capable of reading one's mind in their own homes," Snowball mused after reading through a section that outlined other forms of Google's technology. "How fascinating."

"If such speculation is true, it's creepy and a complete invasion of privacy," Brain retorted, shuddering at the mere idea of his thoughts being broadcasted with just the push of a button. "Terrans are not only squandering their potential, they're also using it for sinister purposes."

"It's a resource. If it's there, it's beneficial to us," Snowball said with a long-suffering expression, like he was explaining a basic addition problem. His eyes widened in mock surprise. "Don't tell me you regret our little voyage, Brain?"

Brain hated the condescension. He wasn't a child tottering around on unsteady legs. And his name seemed like an oxymoron whenever Snowball pronounced it.

"In case you've forgotten, Snowball," Brain growled, pacing around the room and making his displeasure known with every step, "I spent many sleepless nights pondering, researching, and building. This vessel was built out of dedication to our goal. I want to rule Terra just as much as you, and I refuse to let my effort be wasted!"

Brain pounded the wall with his fist to emphasize his point, a strange, hollow clang echoing from the section he struck. Just to be sure he wasn't hearing things, he gave it another experimental knock. Then he noticed the thin, rectangular lines indented in the wall that indicated a hidden panel, one that wasn't accounted for in the blueprints.

Brain pushed the panel aside, revealing a green blaster strapped to the inside wall. Its yellow handle was polished, and the trigger invited any weapon enthusiast to give it a test run. The sleek design promised swift and deadly force, the barrel spiraling into two sharp, triangular points with a red plasma knob in the center to focus its threatening beams on anyone foolish enough to be on the receiving end.

The blaster was small, but that only meant its power was concentrated tenfold.

Several orange plasma cartridges laid underneath the weapon, the fluids swishing lazily in their containers as if they weren't waiting to be loaded.

"Why?" Brain asked, his mouth dry.

While his mind struggled to process the plasma blaster's existence, Snowball sauntered up to him, hands clasped behind his back while he awaited Brain's judgment.

"Your counterarguments aren't rooted in logic, Brain," Snowball explained with that condescending patience Brain hated so much. "We have to be prepared to conquer through force if necessary. Or suppose we need to defend ourselves? If a Terran attempts to kill you, do you truly think asking nicely will convince them otherwise?"

"How naïve do you believe me to be?" Brain snapped. "I told you before that a hypnotizing belt will suit our purposes just fine. You underestimate the power of suggestion."

Snowball jabbed a claw into Brain's chest. He stumbled back as white mist coated Snowball's claw and left spiraling trails of frost across Brain's jumpsuit, its insulation doing nothing to stop the chill creeping through his body.

"I believe you are being so incredibly, foolishly naïve," Snowball growled. Brain tried to look Snowball in the eye and challenge him back, but his receptors were numb and the electron current was frigid. "Suggestion won't guarantee results."

It felt wrong. Movement generated heat. It was a basic principle of science. But Snowball's electrons were sluggish even though his neurons were always firing with new ideas and cold where they should be warm.

"You self-sabotage your desires with your burdening attachments." Snowball's pink eyes narrowed. "I'm only trying to help you overcome that weakness. Why can't you understand that?"

Brain latched onto that tiny amount of heat in the current. Enough fuel to burn away the cold, enough outrage at the implied lack of comprehension to break free of his daze.

"I have no want or need for your so-called help, Snowball!" Brain snarled, slapping Snowball's hand away. A chill shot through Brain's palm, but he gritted his teeth and bore the pain as best he could. "If you have nothing remotely intelligent to contribute, then leave!"

Snowball's face became an impassive mask.

"Very well, Brain," he said with no inflection in his voice. He turned on his heel and walked out.

And Brain was left alone with the lingering frost, the blaster, and several packages of _rusuphri_ that no longer tasted as sweet as they once did.

o-o-o-o-o

_New Selenian Date 3015.4.21_

_Though our voyage through space was more volatile than I expected, we've successfully approached Terra's exosphere. Under other circumstances, it would be cause for celebration, but…_

_Well, Snowball has only spoken to me for essentials during the past few days. Usually so he can update me while he raids the pantry for maza or to catch up on sleep._

_Our argument has only served as a reminder that we're not…as united in our mutual goal as much I want to believe._

_It must the length of the journey. Access to only four rooms in a one week period can give anyone a serious case of cabin fever. He'll get better once we land on Terra's surface, I'm sure._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

Terra was absolutely impressive up close. Long white swirls decorated the blue oceans and greenish-brown continents far below, and Brain committed the sight to his memory forever. On New Selene, Terra was just a strange marble floating in a dark abyss. Not even the only marble. Just one of billions of celestial bodies out there.

And it would soon be their world to rule, to mold, to improve.

Selenian files claimed that Terra had explored more of space than the depths of their own planet, and since Terra hadn't progressed far enough to send humans past the moon, then that lack of drive to discover was something Brain sorely needed to fix.

"Are you seeing this, Snowball?" Brain asked, pressing himself up to the window so he could drink in the wonderful view surrounding them.

But Snowball only yawned without bothering to stifle it. Then he typed commands into a computer, only looking up to watch a satellite drift past the _Conquistador_.

Brain saw his reflection's ears droop. Scowling, he reached over his shoulder and tugged his left ear up, holding it in place until it stayed upright. He looked ridiculous, but the only one who could take notice never said anything, not even a sarcastic quip.

Terra-gazing suddenly didn't hold much appeal anymore.

Sighing, Brain shuffled over to his computer and brought up a program that would chart a landing course for them. The program locked onto their current position, somewhere above a continent called North America. Brain only tapped keys when a command prompt appeared, finding it difficult to concentrate on where they'd end up landing, but he quickly sat up and shook himself out of his stupor.

If he wasn't careful, he could send them plunging straight into the depths of Ohio. Before the colony's abandonment, some hapless sociologist in Zenith Lab went stir-crazy from being assigned Ohio for a research thesis. After that, he became the topic of all conversations after his little stunt with the _maza_ can and screwdriver was recorded for all of New Selene's viewing pleasure. Brain had no desire to end up like that poor sap.

So he typed away, flicking his left wrist to get rid of the cramping sensation that was starting to build up. Coordinates, relative position, and preferred angle of descent all factored in to selecting their destination. He inputted the numbers he'd memorized back in Penumbra, hit enter, and let the program do the rest of the work.

It would take several minutes to run the numbers and configure the best trajectory, so Brain reclined in his chair and watched Terra while he waited.

Funny how the planet appealed to him again after he'd finally turned his attention elsewhere. He just couldn't stay away from its ethereal glow.

"Brain."

Brain startled at the sound of his name. It had been a while since Snowball pronounced it without a sneer. Snowball approached, casually slinging an arm across the back of Brain's chair as green slowly inched across the progress bar on the computer.

"You've been working," Snowball said.

Short sentences were better than nothing. But even so, the obvious didn't need to be stated.

"Really? What gave it away?" Brain asked.

Snowball glanced at the ceiling and tapped his chin, taking his sweet time to voice his opinions.

"Consider it a hunch. I couldn't help but notice that you appear a little…as they say, down." Snowball put his hand against his large cranium, then let his hand hover an inch above Brain's head, flattening his antennae. Sadly, antennae didn't count in accurate measurements of height.

Brain scoffed. "You have a keen sense of observation, Snowball. As anyone with half a retina can see, I'm one of those unfortunate organisms without a genetic makeup that favors height."

"Yes, that does seem to be a…small issue," Snowball smirked at his own joke, and Brain buried his face in his hands. Being poached and experimented on wasn't terrible enough for the universe.

Whoever was in charge of the place just had to torture him with a terrible comedian for a companion too.

Brain hit a key in rapid succession as if it would make the progress bar fill any faster. "Are you going to do something productive or do you still insist on tormenting me for your own amusement?"

Snowball glanced at the computer. The progress bar had been halfway filled with green for the past two minutes, with no signs of progression in the foreseeable future.

"We've made it, Brain," Snowball declared. "Soon Terra shall have our names emblazoned on golden banners everywhere."

Golden banners. Parades in their honor. People bowing for miles and miles as far as the eye could see.

For such a grand vision, their arrival appeared rather lackluster.

"I was expecting this to be the grandest moment of our lives," Brain admitted. "Yet nobody's responded to my transmissions, and our journey was spent flitting between controlling the ship and taking care of necessary functions for life. It's rather underwhelming."

"Yes, there does seem to be a certain lack of fanfare," Snowball mused. "But who said we couldn't add a little flair of our own?"

Brain shrugged, dragging his hands down his face when the progress bar halted yet again. "Depends on your idea of flair. We never packed materials to host our own welcome party."

"Perhaps not. But moments of imminent triumph demand food consumption. Unless you couldn't resist the allure of delicious _rusuphri_ , of course. We should have some before making contact with the surface," Snowball said, poking Brain's stomach.

"It's rude to comment on a _mos's_ weight, Snowball," Brain muttered, pushing the _aisam_ away so he had room to stand up. "But partaking in a victorious toast with _rusuphri_ just before we begin our descent is not without merit."

"All of my ideas have merit," Snowball said, following Brain to the door. Snowball waved his paw near the motion sensor, the door opening with a pneumatic hiss. There was little point to chivalry when it came to advanced technology though. "Don't keep me waiting too long, Brain. I'm rather famished."

Brain shook his head as he stepped into the corridor. "Yes, I'm sure you'll be feeble and emaciated in the three minutes it'll take me to retrieve a packet."

Snowball only smiled in response, like he found starvation amusing. Then he sat in Brain's chair, the door closing before Brain could yell at him to get out.

Resigned to having his designated spot occupied, Brain walked past the pantry and Snowball's room, the latter only used for the bare essentials. After a week of limited accommodations, Brain would never again question the luxury of wide open spaces.

Once he got to his room, he dug the packets out from between the wall and his bed.

He didn't tell Snowball that he'd only eaten two packets of _rusuphri_ during their entire journey and left the rest untouched. The treat had become tainted after their argument, and the usual sweet flavor just hadn't been there. _Maza_ didn't taste like anything, so he had to live with the lack of stimulation for his taste buds over the past few days.

As a test, he crunched one of the blue seeds between his teeth, and the sweetness coated his tongue once more.

The perfect treat for their victory.

Clutching the open packet to his chest, Brain rushed to the door, remembering belatedly that he should at least try to conduct himself with a dignity befitting a world emperor and-

He slammed into the door.

The impact left him seeing stars, and he shook his head to rid himself of the dizziness. Then he kicked it, but he was forced to abandon that after a few strikes because his heel began to throb.

It was automatic. If there had been an issue with the Selenian design for automatic doors, he would've caught it long before this point.

"Useless hunk of metalloids and wires," Brain growled at the door, like it had emotions to hurt.

The lights flickered once, twice, then shut off completely, bathing the entire room in darkness. And while Terra was still visible from his small window, its azure glow only lit the window and two feet beyond that. Not nearly enough.

Clutching the packet of _rusuphri_ to his chest, Brain hurried over to the monitor, his heart pounding wildly out of his chest.

He hadn't come this far, spent months toiling on this project, just to succumb to a poorly timed malfunction!

Brain smacked the monitor with his palm, the screen refusing to display anything.

"Snowball!" Brain shouted. "Snowball, answer this instant! This blackout has caused our automated system to trap me in my room!"

He banged on several keys, in case there was an off-chance that audio still went through.

His channel wasn't reaching its destination.

Snowball was still in the control room. Was their alert system for mechanical trouble still online? Was their main source of power breaking down?

This was impossible. They were destined to rule Terra. That dream had driven them through many hard nights, arguments, and impasses.

" _Aren't you supposed to be a mighty king someday? Why are you so afraid, Brain?"_

Whether it was Snowball or his own voice taunting him for cowardice, he didn't know. But he was going to prove it wrong.

The walls creaked ominously.

The orbs on his tail and antennae vibrated with nervous kinetic energy, distracting him until every last thread of logic slipped through his fingers. Brain dropped the packet, and the seeds scattered across the floor.

"Snowball?" he called, trying to sound demanding, but his voice came out weak and tiny instead.

Then he remembered the blaster he'd been so insistent on not using. Well, he wouldn't be using it for the purpose Snowball intended, but he didn't have many options.

Brain's trembling fingers couldn't grasp the panel without sliding off, and it took him several tries before he was able to shove it aside.

Focus. Load the cartridge. Shoot door. Escape room. Check controls. Find Snowball.

Brain chanted his mental checklist over and over in his mind, his hands missing the blaster's handle as he tried to tug it free from its secure position.

There were straps. He needed to unstrap it from the wall first.

The prospect of failing was causing him to lose concentration.

He was going to lose his opportunity to rule Terra. He was going to lose the vessel he'd toiled to build.

And he was going to lose Snowball.

While they'd had plenty of disagreements, Snowball was the only companion he'd ever known. Even if Snowball wasn't always there to be a companion with how often he traversed New Selene.

No, he wouldn't lose Snowball to some inopportune mechanical issue.

They would be crowned co-emperors, attach their names to major establishments, let their legacies be renowned for centuries after their inevitable deaths!

With that vision spurring him forth, he undid the straps of the blaster and pulled it free, snagging a plasma cartridge with his other hand.

The _Conquistador_ jolted.

Thrown off-balance, the cartridge slipped from his grasp and shattered on the floor, orange liquid and metal shards pooling around his feet. Brain took a step back in an attempt to right himself, crying out as a particularly sharp piece of metal cut into the sole of his right foot. He was lucky it didn't go in all the way, his jumpsuit mitigating some of the damage, but it stung fiercely whenever he tried to move.

Outside the window, colorful Terra swallowed the black void of space. Then he was thrown against the ceiling, the metallic roof hot against his back.

Brain tried to peel himself off, but his energy was spent just trying to avoid the unsecured shards and turning his head so the plasma didn't splash against his mouth. The blaster and _rusuprhi_ seeds bounced uncontrollably against the monitors, his body, and the walls.

If panic hadn't overtaken his intelligence, he might've remembered that the paneling was fortified to prevent them from burning up in Terra's atmosphere.

His mind claimed otherwise.

Here lies a _mos_ from the dilapidated colony of New Selene, intelligence and the natural properties of his species enhanced by the so-called greatest scientific minds of the century. Burning in Terra's atmosphere to follow a grandiose dream.

If some miracle allowed his charred body to crash into the surface, perhaps someone would find the ship and his cadaver inside.

Ha. His body oh-so generously donated to science after his death without his opinion factored into the matter as it had in life. How was that for poetic injustice?

Another jolt. A sudden pitch to the left.

Falling.

_A three-ounce mos falls at the rate of Terran terminal velocity from a height of six thousand miles. Calculate the rate at which his failure to achieve anything worthwhile plummets into the planet's surface._

Just like a quantum physics equation. Brain almost laughed. A weak, rueful laugh was all he was capable of producing.

It might've been an eternity. Or eighteen hours. Or just a few milliseconds.

One more plunge. The metal shrieked and groaned as it impacted something solid and immovable.

Brain tumbled to the ground, pain shooting through his foot when he smacked it against the unsecured bedframe.

The blaster rolled to a stop against his left hand. The seeds stilled. The walls fell silent.

Brain gasped and caught his breath, his heartbeat roaring loudly in his ears. He tried to stand, but his back was uncomfortably hot and he couldn't bear weight on his right foot without the harsh sting, and he was forced to lay on his stomach so the pain didn't become completely unbearable.

He wondered if Snowball had made it out unscathed.

That was his last coherent thought before darkness crowded his vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brain. You're extending the word count with your angst.
> 
> Oops. I'm sorry Brain. I love you I swear. Why doesn't he believe me, guys?
> 
> Rusuphri: Sweet blue star-shaped seeds.
> 
> Lor Altal: Literal translation-sharing hearts. Oral storytelling between Selenians.
> 
> This chapter was a doozy. The first two were short just cause I was introducing everyone. Idk if they're all going to be this long. I'm not aiming for word count here. They're as long as they need to be.


	4. Extraterrestrial

_New Selenian Date 3015.4.21_

_Though our voyage through space was more volatile than I expected, we've successfully approached Terra's exosphere. Under other circumstances, it would be cause for celebration, but…_

_Well, Snowball has only spoken to me for essentials during the past few days. Usually so he can update me while he raids the pantry for maza or to catch up on sleep._

_Our argument has only served as a reminder that we're not…as united in our mutual goal as much I want to believe._

_It must the length of the journey. Access to only four rooms in a one week period can give anyone a serious case of cabin fever. He'll get better once we land on Terra's surface, I'm sure._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

Was it really April 21? Pinky hurried to the Mickey Mouse calendar pinned to the wall next to his cage. He really loved that picture of Mickey giving flowers to a blushing Minnie. They really were the perfect couple!

Pinky imitated Mickey's pose, dropping down on one knee as if he was offering a bouquet of pretty daffodils…wait, no those were lilies. He rubbed his head, confused by the yellow flowers in the picture. Maybe it was the type with the really long name.

What was it again? Ah, yes! A lovely bouquet of Chris-and-his-moms for Minnie!

Egad, the picture was so pretty that he'd forgotten about the reminder he'd penciled in the box for April 21!

"Granny Smith at 9 pm?" Pinky tilted his head, trying to make sense of what he'd written. He didn't know any grannies that well, nor did he know any Smiths. Besides, Pharfignewton was leaving the ranch tonight at 9 pm, and he was going to see her off before she was off to the races. "Poit! Oh yeah, the apple! An apple a day keeps the vets away!"

Pharfignewton needed the energy for the journey too. Kentucky was a long way from California. About nine inches according to his placemat of the United States.

Before he left, he needed to leave a response for his space pen pal. But they weren't exactly using pens. Maybe space radio pals was better.

Pinky went back to the Walkman. It made a bunch of crackling noises, like the Brain hadn't turned his equipment off yet.

"Hi, the Brain!" Pinky grinned. The was such a funny first name. "Glad you could make it to Earth! Or Terra! Whatever you wanna call it! Wherever you land, I hope you and Snowball enjoy yourselves. Definitely try strawberry cheesecake sometime. It's delicious!"

The static continued.

"Anyway, Pharfignewton's leaving for the Kentucky Derby tonight, so I can't chat for long. Maybe tomorrow? I'll spend twice as much time talking to you tomorrow! Fig's been practicing super extra hard. She's gonna win the Derby and get that Triple Crown! That's her dream, you know! Dreams are a wish your heart makes, zort! Cinderella said so!"

Pinky put his hand over the Walkman's speaker. "Your dream is taking over Terra, and mine is being surrounded by cheese from around the world! Or maybe that's just my stomach. I can never tell for sure."

The clock chimed eight, its little pendulum swinging to and fro in a dizzying pattern.

He had to say goodbye now.

And say goodbye again later.

"Alright…well, I'll let you go. I bet you have some important Conquesowhatsit things to do. Bye, the Brain. Glad you could make it to Terra. You and Snowball are gonna love it. Ooh, there I go again. Bye for real this time." Pinky slowly turned the dial down, past tinny classical and pop music stations, until the Walkman was off.

Dreams were always nice, even if Pharfignewton and the Brain had to travel far away to make them come true. Pinky's parents were probably making their own dream of eating gourmet food pellets real as well. Sis didn't have one yet. She was still torn between professional hairdressing and getting a cooking show on Food Network, but she was young and had plenty of time to grow up.

Now that he thought about it, maybe Sis was right. He didn't have to decide on a dream for himself yet. Well, surrounding himself with provolone, cheddar, mozzarella, camembert, and all the other yummy cheeses was still a wonderful dream for now.

"A world of cheeses, deliciously made for you and me…" Pinky sang, the air conditioner providing a nice background instrumental as he went to the breakroom to fetch Pharfignewton's apple.

o-o-o-o-o

Carting the Granny Smith apple to the ranch took more time than Pinky imagined. Running on his wheel along with those upper body strength VHS tapes helped him for most of the trek, but there'd still been one scary moment where he'd leaned back too far to see the pretty full moon. Luckily, the apple wasn't too bruised from tumbling downhill.

By the time Pinky arrived, Pharfignewton was already in her horse trailer. Her owner sat on a nearby bench, his brow furrowed as his thumbs tapped rapidly on his cell phone. A white pick-up truck sat in front of the trailer, though the latch to connect the vehicles hadn't been hooked yet.

The door to Pharfignewton's trailer was wide open, the ramp still on the ground. Delays were good. It meant he could hold off on saying goodbye a little longer.

"Fig, I got you an apple! A sweet and healthy Granny Smith!" Pinky exclaimed as he ran up the ramp. Before he could get to the top, Pharfignewton bent down and grasped the apple in her teeth, nearly chomping down on Pinky's hands as she lifted her head. Pinky's feet left the ground, and he gripped the apple with both hands, almost sliding off the smooth surface.

He couldn't resist a tiny nibble. Pharfignewton wouldn't mind.

Pinky climbed onto her muzzle just as the apple was crunched into mush. Pharfignewton whinnied in delight, her eyes shut from sheer happiness. He stroked the fur between her eyes and hummed Camptown Races because it was her favorite song. She always got excited to race when she heard it.

Pharfignewton's hooves clopped against the floor rhythmically, her head bobbing up and down.

"-gonna run all night! Gonna run all day!" Pinky sang, grabbing her soft mane and hauling himself up. He clung to her ears for balance. "I'll bet my money here on Fig, cause she's gonna win this May!"

Pharfignewton neighed, her tail raised proudly.

Her owner looked up from his phone. His bushy beard quivered as he chuckled and waved at her. A van pulled up to the curb, the window sliding down to reveal a man in a funny white cowboy hat. The owner shouted and pointed to the newcomer's hat.

"What a fashion icon, Fig! Rodeo style hats at the Kentucky Derby. Why didn't I think of that?" Pinky asked. "Egad, I need to make my own hat for the Derby! A derby hat! With fancy ribbons and dandelions and those little beads on sombreros!"

Cowboy Man clapped the owner on the shoulder as he climbed out of his van, the owner playfully shoving him in return. The back doors of the van were opened, and they started loading the pile of heavy feed bags and horse care equipment into the hollowed out space, trading good-natured jabs while they worked.

Pinky glanced at the starry night sky, scratching the back of Pharfignewton's ear. "I almost forgot. The Brain made it to Terra. He said so in his message tonight. Told him he should try strawberry cheesecake. I don't know if they have that in space."

Pharfignewton snorted.

"Oh, you and your homemade apple strudel," Pinky grinned. "Tell you what. Win the Triple Crown and I'll bake the most scrumptious, most mouthwateringest apple strudel you've had in your life! Oh wait, no, how 'bout I just bake it when you come back? Whenever that will be. Maybe soon?"

However long she'd be gone, Pinky hoped she'd call or write or keep in touch some other way. Well, sending a postcard might be a little tricky with hooves. How was she ever gonna apply the stamps?

Pharfignewton neighed, her front hooves knocking against the floor in worry.

"I'll be okay, Fig. I can wait 'til August. There's lots of fun things to do in the summer. Like playing water polo, air hockey, capture the flag..."

Except those games all needed two players.

And while Monopoly game pieces and dominoes made for great substitutes when he couldn't round up the checkers and marbles, it just wouldn't be the same without Pharfignewton.

Pinky's tail started to cramp.

He hadn't realized he'd wrung it between his hands so hard. It wasn't the fun sort of pain either.

Outside, the men finished loading their supplies. The van doors were shut, and Pharfignewton's trailer was hitched to the truck.

Their boots loudly thumped against the ground with every step.

Pinky slid down Pharfignewton's long muzzle, his feet resting against the back of her nostrils. He gripped her face and looked at those gorgeous blue eyes. They were the same shade as his turquoise crayon. He wanted to remember that.

Pinky rested his jaw on Pharfignewton's fur, trying to keep the tiny quaver out of his voice. "Well…guess this is it, huh?" he murmured. "You have a good trip now. You're the best racehorse I've ever met. Course I don't know any other racehorses, but you're gonna win the Derby, Fig. I know you will. Just keep in touch, 'kay?"

She knickered softly, her breath stirring Pinky's fur as she lowered him to the ground outside her trailer. Her breath smelled just like applesauce. She carefully rubbed the underside of her jaw against Pinky's head, nuzzling away tears that made his vision a little blurry, then slowly raised herself to her majestic height.

"Poit. Really, Fig." Pinky tilted his head back so the tears just pooled in his eyes instead of trailing down his cheeks. "You've got a dream ahead of you."

Pharfignewton stomped her hoof.

But Pinky shook his head. True, he could go with her, but who was gonna keep his cage clean and his wheel oiled if he wasn't around? Besides, Pharfignewton would have so many new horse friends. She was gonna be a celebrity by association.

Pinky wiped a tear away with his tail. "I don't wanna distract you or anything. Meet someone new! Who knows? You might even be fast friends!"

Then Cowboy Man and the owner walked past, too engrossed in their conversation to notice Pinky. Pharfignewton craned her neck, trying to see above Cowboy Man while he folded the ramp. Before she could reply, her owner gently shooed her further into the trailer while Cowboy Man finished up.

Once the trailer door was shut and locked, the owner and Cowboy Man took some time to stroke Pharfignewton's face. The window bars were wide enough to allow almost her entire muzzle through.

They promised good things for her, win or lose. She'd be eating her fill of apples and carrots for sure.

She'd be happy out there, running like the wind to her heart's content.

Ten minutes later, Cowboy Man drove away in his supply van. Pharfignewton's owner started up the truck.

Pinky quickly climbed up a fencepost and waved to Pharfignewton, wishing he'd brought along a handkerchief to blow his nose into or flutter in the air like a proper movie goodbye.

Pharfignewton stretched her neck as far as she could.

"Bye! Adios! Sayonara!" Pinky called, cupping his hands as the truck slowly inched onto the side road's pavement. The trailer turned slightly with the movement, and Pinky quickly hopped to a fencepost within Pharfignewton's line of sight.

She looked happy enough to get the show on the road, but her whinnies were still worried.

He had to cheer her up! She couldn't travel to Kentucky with that frowny face!

"Camptown ladies! Sing this song! Narf!" Pinky panted, taking only a moment to catch his breath, the song choppy as he ran the length of the fence. But even with the truck's slow crawl, he couldn't keep up, and the truck disappeared over the hill, pulling the trailer and Pharfignewton along with it.

He didn't slow down in time. Pinky stumbled over the last fencepost and fell into the springy grass below. The thud knocked his breath away for just a moment, but he shook it off quickly.

It was nothing really.

"Camptown racetrack's fi-five thousand miles away…"

Pharfignewton shouldn't worry.

He had the small, boxy TV that the lab couldn't afford to upgrade to a flat screen. The NBC channel always showed the Derby.

And it was enough for him.

o-o-o-o-o

Had the stars always been that far away? They seemed much lonelier than usual.

Pinky tilted his head as far as he could, taking in the navy sky above. There was no moon and no way to spot the Brain's old home tonight. He was probably somewhere on Earth by now.

Paris was nice at this time of year. Maybe the Brain would get all the cheese and baguettes he could eat. The city of light and love was absolutely splendid and heavenly. Pinky had never been there, but the landscape seemed so pretty at night in Ratatouille. Parisian rodents must be excellent chefs. Pinky would have to find one someday.

If only he could walk into a giant cabinet that would magically transport him to a riverboat cruise on the Seine. He'd only gotten a mouthful of cobweb the last time he'd tried that.

Oh dear.

Pinky twirled in place, taking in the enormous apartment complex to his left and the grassy hillside across the street, both of which he didn't recognize.

"Narf! Silly me." Pinky bonked his fist against his noggin, leaving a slight ache behind. "One of these days, I'll definitely remember that ol' left turn on Albuquerque Street!"

Well, the only thing he had to do was retrace his steps.

But he didn't have sidewalk chalk or a pencil.

Pinky scratched his head. This was a lot harder than he thought. He was outside, so he couldn't exactly follow the left wall of the maze until he got un-lost.

His stomach growled, and he had a sudden craving for between-twilight-and-midnight food pellets.

"Hush now, tummy. You'll get your food pellets as soon as I find the lab again," Pinky said, patting his growling belly.

A bowl of smoked food pellets seasoned with paprika and rosemary sounded good right about now. With a side of smoked cheddar too!

Pinky laughed. "You've really got a craving for smoked food, tummy! Can't blame you there. Those smoked chicken wings on Food Network were absolutely mouthwatering yesterday. I'm so hungry I can smell those food pellets!"

And the food pellets smelled delicious indeed.

Pinky took a deep whiff, standing on his tippy-toes to drink it all in.

Until the scent changed and it smelled more oily than the yummy sort of smoke.

Pinky's nose wrinkled. A faint plume of smoke rose from behind the grassy hill, but it was still a little early in the year for anyone to hold a campfire sing-along with s'mores.

There didn't seem to be a fire. Or slightly burnt marshmallows for that matter.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Pinky crossed the street at the crosswalk because he was a good pedestrian and not a jaywalker. That was just silly. He was a mouse, not a blue jay.

He ran to the top of the hill and perched on a tree root, heels rocking back and forth for a moment until he found his balance. Then his jaw dropped at the sight of a gray and silver futuristic-y UFO just beyond the hill's base. It had to be the size of two cages combined, maybe a little more.

He wasn't really good at judging size, but the UFO thingy was ginormous.

Dirt piled high around its battered surface, like it plowed right into the ground at Pharfignewton-like speeds. Smoke trailed from two long cylinders that arched above its back, though there were no flames.

At least Smokey the Bear wouldn't have to worry about any wildfires.

Pinky approached the wreckage, circling it twice out of sheer fascination. He didn't see any string though. No wonder the UFO crashed. It didn't have any string to hold it up.

"Hello, Mr. Alien!" Pinky shouted, hoping his voice carried through the metal to whoever was inside. He leaned against the UFO with both hands, placing all his body weight on his tiptoes. It felt great. He hadn't stretched his shoulders like this in a while. All his focus had been going to strengthening his thighs recently. "I just wanted to let you know that your UFO string is missing! But it's okay! I have an extra long ball of yarn back at the lab! Will that do?"

There was no response, though Pinky heard a plip-plop of dripping water when he pressed his ear against the UFO.

Suddenly, the metal hissed and shifted under his palms.

"Narf!" Pinky yelped as he pitched forward into the opening. His jaw thwacked against the floor, and he giggled at the tingly sensations that shot to the top of his head.

Propping himself onto his elbows, Pinky found himself in a room that was just as big on the inside as it seemed on the outside. Except everything seemed a little smashed up. Broken computers tilted against one wall, the screens cracked and displaying a random string of numbers and letters.

Orange soda dripped from an open panel to his left, forming a bubbly puddle on the floor. Pinky almost drank it, but figured it was a terrible idea because of the little metal bits mixed in. Orange soda went with pizza, not metal.

Pinky stood up and dusted himself off, then walked over to what seemed to be a smashed-up bedframe. There was an upturned mattress and a crumpled white blanket next to it. When he tried to turn them over and arrange them into a less messy position, he found they were rather scratchy and definitely uncomfortable for sleeping in. Whoever used this bed must've woken up every morning with a backache the size of Alaska.

As he tucked the last corner of the blanket into the mattress, several tiny blue things slipped out from the folds and bounced off his foot. When Pinky glanced down, he found there were a lot of tiny blue things scattered throughout the room.

He picked one up out of curiosity.

No, it wasn't a thing. More like a tiny blue star. He touched it with his tongue, a sweet flavor taking over his taste buds entirely. It really packed a wallop. His tongue hadn't felt this tingly since the time he'd eaten two entire packs of lemonheads! He popped several more tiny stars into his mouth, hugging himself from sheer bliss.

For a moment, it seemed like there was another voice agreeing with him on how fantastically delicious these tiny stars were.

Then it cut into a low groan, which didn't sound like someone enjoying a snack at all. Pinky quickly swallowed the tiny stars and listened for the source of the noise.

"Narf! Hello?" Pinky called. "Are you an alien ghost? Or a ghost alien, Mr. Alien?"

Another groan. Maybe Mr. Alien didn't know how to play Twenty Questions.

One of the computers shifted and crashed onto its side, a blue screen flickering in and out of existence. Parts of the splintered bedframe laid among the mess. A small, black-gloved hand poked out from among the tangled wires before falling limp again.

Pinky poked the hand.

It twitched.

"Awful hard to sleep under all those wires, don't you think?" Pinky asked. "I mean, it would be so electric-y under there! Unless you're an android ghost alien! Electric sheep only works for androids, I think. The rest of us count woolly, fluffy sheep."

The mass of wires trembled, the hand closing around Pinky's wrist. Though it was probably meant to be a tight grasp, it wasn't a very good hold. A single movement could shake off the alien's hand.

But Pinky stayed still. Something didn't seem quite right.

The alien lifted his head, a pair of antennae with bouncy red orbs perking slightly.

Antennae was a good name now that he thought about it.

"N-no'all?" Antennae murmured, the wires slipping off his large, chubby head. His bleary pink eyes stared through Pinky with desperate hope. Soot stained his messy fur with varying shades of gray, his pointed ears drooping and floppy.

"Poit. Do you not speak English?" Pinky asked. Antennae continued to stare, not seeming to understand. "I could get my language book from the lab. It's got Spanish, French, Sea Lion, and Legalese! I'm learning a lot! Maybe it's got your language too?"

Then Pinky snapped his fingers. Why hadn't he thought of this sooner? "Wait, no! Maybe kissing would be much faster? That way my English flows into your mouth and voicebox! Is that how it works? I'm pretty sure that's how it works…"

Antennae's grip tightened, his lower half writhing in the wires until he shook himself free. From the neck down, he wore a sleek black bodysuit with red highlights that really made the color of his antennae and tail orbs pop.

Egad, he was tiny. Even Antennae's antennae barely rose above Pinky's chin.

Something green and golden glinted in the hand that wasn't holding onto Pinky. Antennae stumbled as he got to his feet, wincing as he tried to put his weight on his heels. His eyes widened in panic, and he quickly let go Pinky, breathing rapidly as he wrapped both hands around the weapon's handle.

Balancing on his toes, he shakily pointed the weapon at Pinky. He was trying to shove the red bulb into Pinky's nose, which was a little rude to be honest, but couldn't do much more than a light tap.

"Are you okay?" Pinky asked, lifting his head so the bulb wasn't smushing his nose. "Soot's not really good for your complexion. Gives you all sorts of pimples and zits. That's what Dr. Oz says, anyway."

There were several clicks as Antennae repeatedly pulled a switch on the handle, but nothing happened. It clearly wasn't working the way he expected. He growled in frustration, lowering his weapon and opening a compartment along the top. Then his eyes flicked to the puddle of orange soda on the floor and back to Pinky.

For the first time, Antennae noticed all the tiny blue stars that littered the ground. He whipped around in surprise, staring since he still didn't understand, but the sudden movement made him lose his balance. Pinky caught him by the arm before he fell flat on his face.

The weapon slipped out of his grip, clattering to the floor. He cried out and swung his crooked tail into Pinky's side.

"Zort!" Pinky yelped, more from the literal shock he'd received, than actual pain. His fur stood on end, like he'd just rubbed a balloon against it. When he pressed it down again, several tingling tickles lingered on his hand, making him giggle.

When he looked up, Antennae had limped over to the damaged remains of a shelf. But even walking across the room was too much, and he collapsed again.

The bodysuit had rips along the heels, exposing several painful looking cuts. Pinky couldn't blame him for trying to stay on his tiptoes, even if it was a very awkward way to walk.

Antennae needed help. Pinky would have to carry him to the lab.

Pinky followed. He knelt and picked up Antennae, who weighed only slightly more than the small batteries Pinky liked to use as weights, since dumbbells were unfortunately too large for him. Antennae loosely held a baggie of the tiny stars close to his chest. There were several ripped baggies surrounding them. This seemed to be the only one that remained whole.

Cradling his head and back, Pinky set the baggie on top of Antennae's chest, making sure the baggie was sandwiched between them before he set off.

Antennae's head lolled against Pinky's neck. The antennae orbs lit up with tiny sparks for just a moment, though Pinky didn't get another burst of static. They faded back to a normal red within a few seconds.

He seemed…almost relaxed. At least his face wasn't scrunched anymore.

As Pinky exited the UFO with his bundle, something bonked into the back of his head.

"Ouch!" Pinky nearly dropped Antennae and baggie in surprise. A tiny camera with a spinning propellor zipped into the night sky, recovering from its collision course quickly.

Some sort of alien tech too otherworldly for a regular genetically altered Earth mouse to understand? Pinky longed to ask, but he didn't want to disturb Antennae.

Besides, he looked adorably pudgy while he slept.

Antennae made a small noise in the back of his throat, but he didn't seem to be waking up anytime soon.

The camera didn't matter as much. Not when he just discovered that aliens snored.

Pinky set off for the lab, determined to get the directions right this time.

o-o-o-o-o

Good thing the dark, narrow alley filled with dirty cardboard boxes had been there! Pinky never would've known it was a shortcut to the lab if it hadn't been for that stray cat. It was a miracle that Antennae hadn't woken up once, or that the baggie survived the chase without any rips or spilling tiny stars.

The cat had given up the chase, deciding that whatever was in the dumpster would be more of a yummy meal.

Really, Pinky didn't imagine he'd taste too good. He tried to lick his elbow a few times and all he got was a mouthful of fur.

Thankfully, he didn't have to try to climb up to the mail slot. The door was slightly ajar, just enough for him to squeeze past, even with Antennae's chubby head.

Pinky shifted his hold to one arm, then grabbed the handle of the nearest drawer to pull them up to the counter. He had to set the baggie down, but Pinky could easily grab it once Antennae was settled comfortably in the cage.

It took a few unsuccessful tries of hauling himself up while holding onto Antennae before he realized it wasn't going to work.

"Psst, Antennae," Pinky hummed, gently shaking the alien's shoulder. It would be a lot easier if Antennae clung to his back. "Wakey-wakey…"

Antennae's face scrunched again, then he yawned and nuzzled into Pinky's chest instead.

He looked so peaceful. It would go against Pinky's little shoulder angel to wake him up now. What had he been thinking?

After a few minutes of searching through bottom drawers, Pinky found a soft kitchen sponge that hadn't been removed from its packaging yet. It would make a perfect bed. Pinky pulled it out of the package, carefully maneuvering it out of the drawer while trying not to jostle Antennae too much.

Another drawer had several white, fluffy hand towels. They seemed clean enough, so Pinky slung two towels over his free shoulder and climbed out.

He laid one of the towels on the floor, then pushed the sponge on top. Cold feet weren't fun in the morning nor in show business. Then he laid Antennae on the sponge and covered him with the second towel.

Antennae's hand clung to Pinky's fur, so Pinky loosened the grip and tucked the wayward hand under the towel.

"You'll be alright," Pinky whispered, stretching out his sore arms. Maybe he'd carried Antennae for a bit too long. But Pinky's arms would be ready for more wheel-running tomorrow.

Now that both of his hands were free, Pinky grabbed a bandage roll which had been lying near a Bunsen burner. He'd have to thank Mr. Bunsen for letting him borrow these bandages later.

Pinky carefully removed the socks – maybe they were more shoes? Oh, well. He removed the shoe-socks from Antennae's feet and laid them on the towel-rug. Since Antennae hadn't been on his feet since the UFO, the cuts seemed to be healing just fine.

Pinky carefully bandaged the heels and folded the towel-blanket over Antennae's feet once he was finished. Then he brought the baggie of tiny stars over and placed them next to the shoe-socks.

He climbed up to the counter briefly to wash his hands, humming Happy Birthday as he lathered with the honey-scented soap.

"Thank you, Silver's Anatomy," Pinky said to the TV remote, which teetered over the edge of the VCR. He turned to Mr. Button, still lying on his straw bed in the cage. "Sorry, Mr. Button. I'm sleeping elsewhere tonight. Here, you can have Nicholas so you won't be lonely. Try not to keep him up too late, okay?"

He rolled Nicholas the Nickel into the cage and settled him near Mr. Button. They seemed happy. Mr. Button would no doubt be gossiping about the ballpoint pens again.

Pinky yawned and went back to the floor. It had been an eventful day, and he was very tired.

The towel-rug seemed very inviting…

Pinky buried his face into the towel fluff. Antennae had been twitching throughout Pinky's counter business, but he stilled again once Pinky curled up.

Pinky fell asleep, dreaming of cheese and Pharfignewton and a deep, faraway voice. It was a lovely dream, except the voice couldn't join Pinky and Pharfignewton in their little cheese and apple picnic. It seemed unwilling. Pinky made sure to save a few slices of cheddar and provolone for him. Maybe he'd take it afterward.

o-o-o-o-o

When the sunlight hit his eyes, Pinky leapt with joy. Early wheel runs were the best! So were mid-morning runs, and noon runs, and evening runs!

Except he couldn't move. He could still wiggle his fingers and toes, but his hands were tied behind his back, purple yarn binding his ankles as well. His entire tail was still free though. He swished his tail just to be sure.

He shimmied over to the drawer and pressed his back against it, managing to sit up. Though he wanted to run on his wheel, being tied up was a fun game too.

Antennae wasn't on the sponge bed though. Where was he? He was missing out!

Pinky wondered if he should just untie himself and find Antennae. The knots didn't seem that hard. Though it was hard to tell for sure if it was a slipknot or an overhand knot. He really should've paid attention in knot-tying class.

Five minutes later, Antennae stomped over in his ripped shoe-socks, though little strips of bandage poked out.

Pinky smiled. If Antennae was stomping, his feet must be healing fast. And then he'd be okay again.

However, Antennae didn't seem to think so.

"Wipe that ridiculous expression from your face, Terran," Antennae scowled, his foot tapping impatiently. "Hand over all the information you know. I want answers, and I want them now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to give credit to Pluto for her wonderful drawing of Brain as a cute little alien. With the way she posed him, I knew I wanted to incorporate that somewhere and this chapter seemed like a good place to do it! I meant to credit her last chapter for the blaster idea but I forgot so I'm rectifying that now.
> 
> Fig's off to the races! Literally.
> 
> After the wringer I stuck him through last chapter, Brain seriously needed some cuddles. He's a little touch-starved. Also, he's a bad guest. Don't tie your friend up, Brain. That's just rude.


	5. Nebula

_New Selenian…no, Terran dates. He had to adapt to the Terran calendar system now. If only he knew the actual date. Time was subjective, formless, ever-changing. What day of the Selenian cycle were they on? His body's natural biological clock wasn't functioning properly, his sleep-wake periods constantly in flux._

_The only constant was darkness. Only there was no Terra to serve as a beacon. No heavy greens, no massive blues, no swirling whites. Stars faded, one by one, until they were just imperceptible dots with no light._

_Brain drifted in the vacuum of space, not even a barren wasteland to stand on. Just a tiny, insignificant clump of atoms in the infinite universe. New Selene and Terra were large for a mos, but in the end, what were they compared to the sun? To stars much grander and hotter than the sun?_

_Nothing around him but solitude._

_A certain degree of loneliness would come with ruling Terra. He and Snowball would have important duties to carry out. They wouldn't have much time together. It was a fact he'd accepted long ago._

_Something yanked on his tail, a sharp pain shooting up his spine. He opened his mouth in a wordless cry, and when he turned around, the bottom half of his tail was gone._

_But it wasn't sliced through. He'd still be floating freely if that were the case, albeit with an open wound._

_No, his tail was snagged by a pitch black substance, as if space itself was going to swallow him whole. And the void crept across the rest of his tail, swallowing his feet, his legs, his torso…_

_Brain thrust his face forward. He had to keep his nose and mouth away so he could breathe, so he could see the millions of burned-out stars that no longer shone…_

_The void dragged his left arm below its murky surface. He stuck out his right arm and uselessly scrabbled for a handhold._

_It entered his mouth and choked him. It invaded his auditory canals, useless as they were, but the sensation nauseated him. His vision darkened, and the dim stars were gone._

_He would remain lost forever. A single subject out of many. A single creature out of billions._

_Replaceable. Forgotten. Purposeless._

_His right hand wasn't submerged yet. But there was pressure there, ready to drown him completely in the abyss._

_His hand was tugged gently...insistently._

_Perhaps he was imagining things._

_Whatever it was, it would leave eventually. It was only a matter of time. And he'd be left to drown in peaceful nothingness._

_But it refused to leave. The tug became a secure hold, and sensation once again filled his shoulder. His head broke through the formless surface, and he soundlessly gasped for air though there was none to be found. He didn't require air for survival, but it felt good regardless._

_His vision returned._

_Instead of faraway lightless dots, he saw twinkling blue stars. They shone so brightly that Brain averted his eyes, focusing on the cloudy appendages that held his own hand and shoulder in a surprisingly firm grip instead._

_His rescuer was a nebulous cluster of stars. Brain scowled at the swelling warmth in his chest as the rest of his body was pulled out of the void. Why was the entire universe so insistent on giving him false hope? Just swallow him already and let it be over with!_

_But the nebula had different ideas. It was surprisingly solid for something that was just supposed to be formless clouds of chemical reactions, though it didn't have an identifiable shape. But it probably wasn't going to dismember or vivisect him._

_Though he wouldn't completely throw away that possibility._

_Drifting aimlessly through space, the nebula wrapped its appendages around him, until Brain's head rested against a radiant star that appeared to be its lifeline. Energy pulsed from the core, sending light into the rest of the smaller stars scattered throughout the nebula. As if in a trance, Brain touched his antennae orbs to the star._

_The core star didn't seem to care about the sudden diversion of energy. It was ridiculous to personify an inanimate object, but the nebula seemed almost…joyful about sharing its light. Well, if nebulas expressed joy by swirling its contents around in dizzying patterns._

_His orbs lit up, red sparks illuminating the tips of his antennae. They'd never done that before, not even around Snowball._

_Brain reached up, rolling the orbs between his fingers. Surely it was just a reflection of the core star's light. His mind was playing tricks on him._

_Mos orbs were only illuminated when…_

_No, it was impossible. It was irrational to think that way, especially when the nebula was obviously a figment of his imagination._

_Somehow, this warmth seemed...real? His own mind could never conceive of such a thing._

_Electrons thrummed under his fingers, flowing through his antennae and spreading through his body, and the newfound energy felt...for lack of a better word, amazing._

_And he could do this! He and Snowball could take over Terra together! Nothing would stand in their way!_

_But once he thought of Snowball, the electron flow vanished. The soft red glow faded._

_And the nebula drifted just beyond Brain's reach, floating higher and higher until it would become forever lost in this vast, endless universe._

_Come back! Brain screamed, hating this soundless existence, hating how desperate the words sounded in his head. He reached for the misty trail, but it was too far away now. He could never hope to catch up._

_He shouldn't want it so badly. It was just another trick of his subconscious. One of its cruelest tortures yet._

_A chill swept over him, and it was much colder than Snowball's claws._

_Alone. Insignificant. Useless._

_Doomed to forever be the universe's chew toy, wherever it wanted to toss him. His home planet, a failed colony, and Terra weren't suitable enough for its barbaric purposes._

_Somehow, the nebula returned to his side. And he was none of those things, just for a while._

o-o-o-o-o

"Zzzzz…narf…zzzz…narf…"

Soft breaths tickled Brain's inner ear, and he swatted in the direction of the offending noise without opening his eyes. It was incredibly strange, but he was far too comfortable to get up right now.

If Snowball was attempting to wake him by dangling random objects next to his trigger hairs _again…_

His hand landed on something fuzzy and warm and breathing-

_Oh scrik it was alive._

Brain rocketed to the other side of the bed so quickly that the motion made him dizzy, his vision blurring for a few seconds before it returned. He crouched on the floor next to…wait, this wasn't his bed. It was half-green and half-yellow, made out of some odd compressible material that sunk and recoiled back into shape when he applied force against it.

A disheveled white cloth laid on top, similar to the rug underneath him. His foot protectors and the _rusuphri_ bag were laid next to each other.

He didn't remember taking off his foot protectors, how the heels got ripped when they were intact before, or loading this strange bed into the _Conquistador_.

"Apple pie's not gonna hurt your figure…" the other creature murmured, still snoozing away.

Confident that the trespasser wasn't going to wake up in the immediate future, Brain sat up so he could get his bearings straight, though he kept his ears and antennae below the bed's height to avoid giving his position away.

First, he was in unfamiliar territory instead of the _Conquistador_. His new surroundings appeared to be some sort of rudimentary Terran laboratory. No holographic projectors and only two small computers in sight, surrounded by several high counters. He'd have to explore the building more thoroughly when the opportunity arose.

Second, a bed was the only obstacle between him and a potentially hostile Terran creature. He had somehow dragged Brain to this location from the _Conquistador,_ so he had to be reasonably strong.

Except dragged didn't seem to be the right word. Perhaps this Terran was the type of predator who toyed with prey before eating them? No matter how Brain pondered it, he couldn't fathom any other reason behind not attacking him when he was defenseless, or how his only injuries were the ones he received from the crash.

Right. The _Conquistador_ crashed. The paneling must've overheated when they entered Terra's atmosphere. He'd been worried about that since the paneling hadn't been in the greatest condition to begin with. And both the ship and Snowball's whereabouts were unknown.

Brain didn't know where to begin looking for Snowball. The Terran hadn't brought the _aisam_ along, though it seemed probable that Snowball had been disoriented by the impact and wandered off before the Terran came along. Or he was keeping Snowball elsewhere, though Brain didn't think the Terran's strength would be sufficient enough to carry both a _mos_ and an _aisam_.

Snowball could handle himself in the nothingness beyond Penumbra Lab, but he wasn't intimately familiar with the Terran landscape. He could be anywhere.

The Terran might know something. Brain wouldn't completely rule out that possibility.

Brain carefully slid his foot protectors away from the _rusuphri_ bag, listening for signs of the Terran waking up. The plastic didn't crackle too much, and the Terran was still murmuring odd syllables in his sleep.

He stretched out his legs, noticing brown wrappings on his heels that hadn't been there before. The covering definitely explained why he hadn't noticed the absence of his foot protectors right away. Finding a loose end on his left foot, he slowly peeled it away and winced as it stuck to his skin.

There was a long, shallow cut underneath. But it seemed to be healing. It didn't sting much when he poked it. He'd experienced far worse pain than this.

Such as stepping on metallic shards from a dropped plasma cartridge.

The universe was unusually merciful today. He didn't have any embedded shards in his feet.

Brain sealed the loose wrapping and slid the damaged foot protector over it. The wrapping poked out, but that was all. There was hardly any pain when he bore weight on his heels. He put on the other foot protector, which was considerably damaged at the sole. He'd have to find some new material to reinforce them later.

Then he checked the rest of his body, and only came up with soot smudges on his fur. No blood, and all his vital organs were on the inside. His radio clip was still fastened to the side of his bodysuit. He was surprised the Terran hadn't taken it when he had ample opportunity. Colossal mistake.

Apart from his feet, he wasn't injured that much.

And that fact alone bothered him more than he would've liked.

While his enhancements included a faster healing rate than normal _mos,_ even he should've been more incapacitated from an impact of that magnitude.

Snowball wasn't here. Brain had been too unconscious to treat his own injuries. Which left the Terran as the only culprit.

Carrying him to a Terran laboratory. Making him comfortable enough to sleep through the night. Treating his injuries.

An ulterior motive. There had to be one. The Terran wanted Brain for a specific purpose.

But for what?

Selenian technology would be revolutionary on this planet due to their lack of trade with intergalactic life. The _Conquistador_ only harbored a small fraction of the enormous scientific database in Penumbra Lab. But even the meager tech he possessed would pique Terra's interest. If the Terran expected him to talk and spill secrets, he was going to be sorely disappointed.

In any case, demanding technology was a better route than…vivisection.

He shuddered at the very thought.

Wanting Selenian technology was the most logical explanation. However, the Terran foolishly chose the wrong time to fall asleep. His moment of weakness gave Brain an opportunity to turn the tables.

He would just have to interrogate the Terran before the Terran could interrogate him.

Brain stood up and crept around the bed, each step carefully calculated and silent. The Terran stretched his limbs and yawned, but he was still fast asleep. But he wouldn't be defenseless for much longer. If Brain was going to get all the information he required, he'd have to act quickly.

First, he would have to locate restraints. Preferably ones that didn't cut off circulation to the extremities.

It would also give him time to explore the layout of the building and plan escape routes in case the interrogation went awry.

The counters were about two feet shorter than the ones he climbed back at Penumbra Lab. Brain was glad for it. He hated exerting himself more than necessary. He scaled the counter by the window. It seemed promising enough.

Of course, he couldn't waste time climbing anything if the Terran chose to pursue when he escaped. If the Terran could carry him and a _rusuprhi_ bag from wherever the _Conquistador_ landed to this lab, then Brain couldn't overpower him through physical means.

There was a cage on the counter. It was currently preoccupied by a wheel, a pile of bedding, and several inanimate objects. There was a strange, plastic attachment on the opposite side. It was full of clear liquid, and reminded Brain of the device in his old cage that artificially supplied electrons for him since he never shared his living space with another _mos_.

Brain's files stated that Terran life was dependent on water. But there hadn't been much information other than a succinct summary. Water was rare on New Selene and nobody had the manpower or equipment to drill for it. But Terra was covered in water like New Selene was covered in dust and decay.

Curious as he was, the only opening was inside the cage and Brain couldn't reach that far.

His disappointment was short-lived.

A thin sliver of light fell across the counter, and Brain traced its source to the window, then to the sky beyond.

And every thought about his current situation was driven from his mind.

He'd never gazed upon a vibrant sky before. Blues and oranges and a multitude of the lightest colors he'd never seen before swirled in the vast expanse above. A golden disk peeked over the horizon. Though it was still low, it shone brilliantly.

New Selene wasn't much bigger than his own hand. The once-endless celestial body was now tiny and insignificant. It was strange.

The land was blanketed in green and brown, and even the more familiar gray appeared more tamed and smooth instead of wild and rocky.

It was beautiful.

But he couldn't stare at the sky forever. In the end, it was only a distraction from his main objective.

Brain turned his back on the window and walked over to a red container that held a disorganized mess of primitive lab supplies. He scowled. Haven't they ever heard of labels? Or technology for that matter? How was anything supposed to be accomplished around here?

Finding nothing useful, he threw a small ruler aside and continued down the counter, where somebody had left their experiment behind without cleaning up after themselves. Brain sidestepped a white pile of powder and a red puddle of goop. He paused and glanced at an open notepad that seemed to go along with…whatever this was.

"Take 39. Set record for world's smallest baking soda volcano?" Brain read, shaking his head incredulously. If it hadn't been for the colorful world outside, Brain would've believed he'd never left New Selene at all. It seemed that scientists of the so-called dominant species were the same idiots no matter what planet they inhabited.

Since no drawer or container yielded anything useful, Brain tried his luck on the opposite side of the room. As usual, his luck was poor. Nothing was organized, and it made his job much harder.

He was just considering the pros and cons of rolling the Terran in his own blankets when he noticed the end drawer wasn't closed properly, several multicolored threads hanging out of it. Brain dropped into the drawer and found several large balls of colored yarn crammed into the back.

Cloth and thread had been rare and valuable commodities on New Selene. And this ramshackle Terran lab just had these yarn balls stuck in a drawer like an afterthought.

The yarn was fuzzy and thick. If the Terran tried to chew his way out, he'd just get a mouthful of fuzz stuck between his teeth. Brain found three loose purple strings of yarn lying underneath one of the balls. After a quick estimate to make sure it would be sufficient to hold the Terran, Brain threw them over his shoulder and climbed down to the floor.

The sunlight was halfway to the Terran's current position. He didn't have much time.

Brain tied the Terran's wrists behind his back without much issue, but the ankles were a different story. And the Terran kept moving his feet in every direction, even ones that shouldn't be possible in a vertebrate. The Terran snorted and giggled, like he was doing this consciously to mess with Brain.

But from the Terran's little mutterings of words that weren't known to any linguistic databases in the universe, Brain was starting to believe this particular one was just in a permanent state of unconsciousness.

Brain held one ankle in place with his foot, then grabbed the other one as it lazily swung by. He had to throw almost his entire body weight into holding down the lower limbs, but he finally managed to restrain them.

The light finally reached their position. The Terran's eyes twitched.

Brain meant to restrain the tail too, but he was out of time. Almost tripping over the Terran's swishing tail, Brain darted into the small, dark space between two neighboring counters and discarded the last piece of yarn.

Objective accomplished, Brain thought in grim satisfaction. He peered out from behind the counter, holding his antennae in place to keep them from poking out and giving his position away.

The Terran had managed to sit upright against a bottom drawer despite his lying down position from before. Brain was a little concerned about the restraints holding with the Terran's current level of activity, but they seemed like they'd hold for now.

"Wipe that ridiculous expression from your face, Terran," Brain scowled, tapping his foot to make sure the Terran knew he meant business. "Hand over all the information you know. I want answers, and I want them now."

The Terran blinked, his mouth opening in a little 'o' of surprise, and Brain wondered if he should've gagged him so he couldn't call for help.

And the Terran smiled brightly, his blue eyes lighting up in glee. They looked just like the vast sky beyond the window. The innocent gaze took Brain aback, but he shook it off quickly. No, it was just a manipulation tactic. He refused to fall for it.

"Sure thing, Antennae!" the Terran exclaimed. "Ralph Kramden says 'Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser!' The first few countries in Yakko's World are United States, Canada, Mexico, and Panama! We park in driveways and drive in parkways because…hmmm, well, I don't think anyone really knows that one. Narf!"

That was…somewhat atypical for an interrogation. Brain never had cause to conduct or witness one, but he'd heard about them through _Lor Altal_. According to the stories, effective interrogations required intimidation and willpower.

He had willpower. But he would have to match the Terran's intimidation level. He was still taller than Brain, even while sitting, and his lack of mental processes was, dare he admit, rather frightening.

Brain grabbed the Terran's nose and yanked him down to eye level. The Terran's smile didn't waver. "My patience wears thin, Terran. I'm not in the mood for confounding mind games. You are not to answer my questions with more questions. You will give me the answers I seek about the whereabouts of my ship and my coworker. Do you understand?"

"Okay, I promise to reply in the form of an answer!" he giggled. "But my name's not Terry, actually. It's Pinky! Like the singer, but with an extra e. Zort!"

If only he had his linguistic files! It would be useful to know what 'narf' and 'zort' meant. Or if they were code for something else…

Everything the Ter…no, Pinky, said had to be code for something. It couldn't be all nonsense, right?

"Very well, Pinky," Brain said, not sure why Pinky perked up at his name being called. Perhaps a fear response required intellect this creature didn't possess? "I'll start simple. Now, kindly define narf and zort. Are they code words? Are you communicating with someone right now?"

"Narf means zort, but it's a little different too. And zort is half of poit with a dainty sprinkling of troz," Pinky said, tilting his head curiously. Brain turned away for several seconds, trying to not let his frustration show. He couldn't give away his surprise. He would not be bested by Pinky's penchant for riddles. "And I'm talking to you of course, silly!"

"Speak for yourself," Brain muttered. It was far too disconcerting to be described as silly by this baffling creature. "Allow me to rephrase. Are you in contact with somebody who can untie and whisk you away before I finish extracting my information?"

"Er…well, Pharfignewton's probably far away now. She's gotta be in Nepal at this time, I think. But she has hooves, the loveliest, prettiest, speediest hooves you'll ever see. A little hard to untie yarn with those." Pinky's ears drooped, moisture building in his eyes.

For several terrifying seconds, Brain thought Pinky was going to start bawling right then and there. And it would affect his ability to give information, and Selene forbid, Brain would have no option but to _comfort_ him of all things.

The stories never mentioned anything about comforting interrogees, so the precedent was rather lacking.

Needless to say, this wasn't how Brain envisioned his first day on Terra.

"Yes, I'm sure they're…aesthetically pleasing," Brain said absentmindedly. He needed to steer this conversation back to the matter at hand.

Pinky nodded enthusiastically, perking up right away like he hadn't been about to cry milliseconds before. The motion nearly knocked Brain off his feet from the sudden influx of electrons through his antennae. He'd never experienced such a swift, energetic flow of kinetic energy before. Brain wasn't sure how to classify it. It was unfamiliar and strange, but the sensation also filled him with newfound energy and drive.

Like he could do anything he put his mind to. Taking over this world, for instance.

But it would have to wait.

The _Conquistador_ and Snowball's location took priority. He required resources and Snowball's keen intellect in this unfamiliar wilderness.

He let go of Pinky's nose to recollect himself.

"Um, Antennae?" Pinky held up his wrists, bound only by a fragile knot. "The yarn's loose."

"Don't fidget or mess with your restraints, Pinky," Brain scolded. He snatched Pinky's wrists and retied the knot, taking special care to bind it more tightly this time. At first, he was too grateful to preoccupy his hands with something to distract himself from his concerns. Then he realized no sane captive would ever state weak points to their interrogator unless specifically asked.

Another trick?

Cautiously, he retied the yarn around Pinky's ankles, keeping his tail orb pointed at Pinky in case he tried to run. But Pinky didn't take the opportunity to overpower him and escape. The bizarre Terran waited patiently instead, humming a little tune and giggling to himself. Obviously lost in his own equally bizarre world.

"You've called me Antennae twice now," Brain said. He stood up, crossing his arms for appearance's sake. Pinky was just feigning stupidity in an attempt to lower Brain's guard. Well, it was a shoddy attempt. Nobody could possibly be that stupid.

Pinky tilted his head again, and Brain lifted his chin defiantly to block out that innocent demeanor. Feigning stupidity, that was all. He had to remember that.

"Poit. I called you Antennae a bunch of times last night actually," Pinky admitted. "You were just with the Sandman, so I don't think you heard me. I bet there was a little lovely desert oasis, wasn't there? Your glowy orb thingies had happy sparks."

…he retracted his previous notion. Perhaps Pinky's idiocy was genuine after all.

"Cease your nonsense immediately. You're the only living being I've met so far. I don't know who this Sandman is, nor do I care," Brain retorted. "Furthermore, deserts aren't 'lovely'. They're formless and devoid of life. And see that you don't ever again assign arbitrary emotions to a biological indicator that _mos_ are-" his mind caught up to his mouth at that moment, urging him to switch topics immediately "-never mind. Exercise caution before you point out any abnormalities. You will also refer to me as the Brain for the rest of this interrogation instead of that ludicrous moniker."

Those blue eyes lit up even more, and Brain didn't know how that was possible.

"Egad, just like the Brain on my Walkman! He has such a nice broadcasting voice!" Pinky exclaimed, his tail perking. "Is that a common name where you're from, Anten-I mean, Brain?"

"No, I never would've selected Brain for myself if it were a common designation for _mos_ ," Brain replied. "Not that it would suit anyone else, with the exception of Snowball."

"Radio Brain always mentioned a Snowball too!" Pinky's grin faded, and he looked at the ceiling, trying to scratch his head with his tied wrists. "He always seemed kinda sad when he talked about him though. Since New Selene seemed big and lonely and all."

Sad? Preposterous. A more accurate term would be irritated, or perhaps enraged that the bothersome _aisam_ believed his messages a waste of time, because why would anyone want to warn their future subjects about their conquest?

It wasn't a warning. It was about preparing them for an emerging power. But Snowball only saw these messages as a hindrance to their mission. Accused him of self-sabotage, even.

The rising bitterness was only quelled by a single piece of rational thought.

Pinky shouldn't know New Selene by name.

Brain jabbed a finger into Pinky's chest, and Pinky broke out into laughter. Really, what was up with this Terran? No sane being should find painful stimuli funny.

"I never mentioned New Selene. How did you come across that name?" Brain raised his voice to make himself heard over the high-pitched giggles.

"Why, from Radio Brain of course!" Pinky tried to stifle his laughter, but it continued to leak out from the corners of his mouth. "Oh, and he had a ship called the Conquesowhatsit! He sounded really proud of himself for making it too!"

Conquesowhatsit… _Conquistador_.

Brain doubted it was a coincidence. Perhaps he should've been more concerned about Pinky knowing things he shouldn't know since the Terrans' knowledge of communication beyond their planet were notoriously primitive by galactic standards, but some semblance of hope swelled instead.

However, logic won out. Confirm details first.

Brain removed his finger, allowing Pinky a few moments to catch his breath.

"Pinky, these broadcasts you heard…do you remember any details?" Brain asked.

Pinky stuck his tongue out in thought, which was probably a futile gesture on his part.

Pinky nodded, his head bobbing up and down so rapidly that just looking at him made Brain feel dizzy. "Yup! Lotsa stuff about taking over and ruling Terra! Once he kept yawning and yawning through his big silly words and I guess he forgot he was still on air, cause he just snoozed and snored away! And he really doesn't care for _maza_ pods. But maybe he just doesn't cook them properly. I'm sure they'd be good with a little seasoning and ranch dressing."

A month before they departed from New Selene, Brain had taken his transmission equipment and a rare metal ore up to Penumbra Lab's roof to try and increase sound conductivity for any incoming messages, but he'd fallen asleep halfway through his experiment, and he'd woken up several hours later with his equipment still on.

It checked out, except for the part about him snoring. He did _not_ snore. That was highly undignified.

"First, _maza_ pods cannot be consumed in any palatable manner. I don't know what sort of concoctions you'd plan to use if you ever ate them, but I can assure you they won't work. And I don't snore either, so toss that assumption out of your empty mind," Brain said. "The only correct statement you made was about my goal to rule Terra. However, you showed awareness of Selenian language, and you knew the name of our ship despite your terrible pronunciation, so I suppose I have no choice but to assume you're not lying about listening to my broadcasts."

For a moment, there was only silence as this information sank slowly into the fluff between Pinky's ears. Then his mouth opened-

-and Brain was suddenly wrapped in a crushing embrace, the laboratory disappearing into a dizzying swirl of blue and white. His feet were entirely off the ground, his extremities pinned to his sides by a pair of lean, strong arms.

"Narrrrrf! You're Radio Brain, Brain!" Pinky exclaimed, still twirling with excitement. "I'msohappyIgettomeetyou!"

Brain's antennae were somehow caught between his cheek and Pinky's, and if Pinky squished harder, the electron flow would be disrupted and— he couldn't feel his left antenna anymore.

Was this how Terrans attacked? Lure one into a false sense of security and obstruct their circulation?

He had to escape this now, before the dizzying warmth overtook him!

Planting his foot against Pinky's unprotected stomach, Brain counted to three and twisted in Pinky's hold, his tail swinging around and zapping Pinky's fur on contact. Pinky's happy narfs turned into a surprised shout, and Brain belatedly realized he'd miscalculated his exact position when Pinky suddenly pitched forward.

Brain's nose smashed into the floor painfully, but at least the electron flow was no longer obstructed in his left antennae. A weight pressed him against the floor. Muffled giggles rang by his head, and Brain's ear twitched in irritation.

Pinky's entire body trembled with laughter, making Brain's body shake too. "Your zaps are loads of fun, Brain! Like the shocky wire thingamajig, only without the moldy cheese!"

With some effort, Brain dragged himself forward until he was completely free from Pinky's weight (he refused to dwell on that mortifying position) and stood up. He dusted off his jumpsuit, though the material automatically repelled dirt without his input.

Pinky was supposed to be restrained. Now the yarn around his wrists and ankles were nothing but frayed purple strands.

"Wonderful. My weakness exposed to a dimwitted Terran of all species…" Brain grumbled.

"Your weakness is hugs?" Pinky asked, and somehow he made his accidental exploiting of a vulnerability sound innocent.

The question gave Brain pause, but _only_ because he'd expected a logical guess for his weak point.

"No!" Brain shouted, perhaps too hastily. At Pinky's confused look, Brain sighed and swept his antennae back so they didn't block his vision. "Don't ever squish my antennae. It's not a pleasant feeling."

"Sorry, Brain," Pinky said. "I'll be more careful. Promise!"

Not a hint of sarcasm in his tone. It was odd. But Pinky seemed to be under the impression that they were friends.

They weren't. Brain didn't know him, nor did he want to. There was no room for friends at the top of the hierarchy. Only argumentative childhood companions.

He would have to find Snowball in this strange new world. Though he remembered every file he'd ever read about Terra, there was only so much information he could glean from them. To his knowledge, no other Selenian or Terran beside himself and Pinky had ever met face-to-face.

The lack of knowledge, alongside his current inability to ask Snowball for his assessment on their situation, frustrated him to no end.

Was Snowball alright? Surely, he had to be. One didn't spend all that time on a lonely colony and not develop methods to handle isolation in unfamiliar places.

Unless the rest of the _Conquistador_ was in pieces elsewhere…

Brain quelled that worst-case scenario. No, Snowball was alive somewhere on this vast planet.

Still, Pinky's sincerity gave him pause.

"I doubt you can lie convincingly, so I'll accept. Just one final question before I leave, Pinky," Brain said as he grabbed his _rusuphri_ bag, the only other possession he had besides the clothing on his back.

"Wait…y-you're leaving?" Pinky's voice hitched. His swishing tail came to a complete stop and settled on the floor.

The spark died from those impossibly blue eyes. Brain turned away from Pinky, the _rusuphri_ bag crinkling between his fingers as he pondered why this course of action felt…wrong. Somehow.

It was necessary though.

He'd grown tough and resilient in Penumbra Lab, his isolation made bearable through daydreams of domination and physical labor on their ship. Pinky would learn how to do the same.

It was the only way to survive after all.

"I'm leaving to find Snowball and the rest of my ship," Brain said. "But first, tell me how you listened to my broadcasts. That information would be most valuable for our eventual conquest."

"You mean, this information would help you a lot?" Pinky asked.

Brain crossed his arms. Stalling a departure was just pathetic, and Pinky would have to learn that. "I said valuable, didn't I?"

Pinky nodded eagerly. "Yup! I listened over the Walkman radio. Channel 92 FM! Wait here for a moment! I'll grab it for you in a jiffy! Well, not in peanut butter though. That would just gunk up the little doohickeys."

Pinky scurried up the counter by the window, and for a moment, Brain thought he was stalling again. Then a gray, rectangular device slid over the edge and clattered to the floor. Curious, Brain climbed onto the device to examine very inch, sliding a red mark from one number to the next with a dial and changing the settings between an AM and FM label.

It was a rudimentary radio, not nearly as sophisticated as the communication devices he'd used back in Penumbra Lab. And even those weren't up to par due to the scarcity of resources needed to restore them to an efficient function.

How such a primitive device captured his frequency from New Selene, he had no idea.

He flipped the on switch.

And what came out was a horrible, high-pitched screech that sounded far too similar to Selenians screaming incoherently during a particularly dramatic _Lor Altal_.

Startled, Brain covered his ears and scrambled off the device, only to slip and land headfirst on the floor. Brain's head throbbed from the hit and…whatever that Selene forsaken screeching was. It continued for a few more seconds before the volume rapidly decreased.

Pinky appeared in the corner of his vision. He grabbed Brain's hand and pulled him up, then rubbed the back of his head in apology. "Sorry about that. Not a Megan Trainor fan, huh?"

"It appears my sources were incorrect," Brain admitted, shaking his head to rid himself of the lingering ringing in his ears. "Terrans have intricate ways of mass torture."

Pinky slid the dial to 92 FM, then slowly increased the volume until garbled static came out. "This is how I listened to you," he said. "Usually somewhere between 6 and 8 in the evening. I mean, daytime's nice, cause I get mazes and cheese and Pharfignewton if she wasn't practicing for the Derby. Then evening comes, and I get to hear your nice radio voice for a while. Which reminds me…"

His gloved hand was still clasped in Pinky's. Brain could only stare up that smile. He'd never seen one that bright before, not even on Snowball.

"Before you go, I just wanted to thank you for naming me, Brain," Pinky said. "I was calling myself a bunch of things before, but none of them ever felt as right as Pinky."

Confused, Brain wondered who dropped Pinky as a baby to cause that much damage to his head. "Don't be absurd, Pinky. I haven't named anything except for the _Conquistador_ and myself. And how could I have named you if I've never met you before?"

"You did. Cause you said Terrans have less igloos than your pinky over one of your broadcasts," Pinky said, flicking Brain's pinky finger. "Or was that a rhododendron type question?"

"Revising my previous statement is unnecessary then," Brain replied, yanking his hand out of Pinky's. He remembered that particular broadcast, if only for the taxing journey to the crash site he'd been wrangled into afterward. Did all Terrans have such ridiculous notions? He might have to factor that into their plans for conquest. "You mistook part of an insult for a name."

"Is that bad?" Pinky asked.

Brain sighed, clutching the _rusuphri_ bag to his chest. "You can't just decide your name on a whim. If you want to call yourself Pinky after you find a purpose for yourself, that's fine. But your reasoning, if I should even call it that, is incredibly poor."

"I do have a purpose. I run in my wheel and in mazes!" Pinky protested. "And I'm cheering for Pharfignewton in two weeks!"

Brain shook his head. Those were only fleeting. Not sustainable goals at all. "A purpose is a goal for yourself, Pinky. Something more long term than whatever goes on in your daily life. For instance, ruling the world is my ultimate purpose. Of course, I'll have to find Snowball and the rest of my ship first, but once I do, Terra shall be my next step."

Pinky's ears flattened, but he tried to smile anyway. The effect was rather disconcerting. "You really care about Snowball a lot, don't you? I'm sure you'll find him and rule together, Brain. Poit."

Brain didn't meet Pinky's eyes. He didn't care about Snowball. Not in the way Pinky believed. Just because they grew up in neighboring cages and received their enhancements together didn't mean he cared. He was only concerned about the supplies the _aisam_ brought back. Sometimes the quality varied, especially if Snowball had been in a foul mood.

Now Snowball was stranded somewhere on Terra. While Brain was sure Snowball would be alright for a while, he still didn't want to be separated in unfamiliar territory for longer than he had to.

 _Unfamiliar._ This world was far larger and brighter than New Selene. It would be foolish to try and set foot outside where his safety would be compromised.

Unless…

He would probably regard this decision as foolish in hindsight, but if there were better options, they weren't currently presenting themselves.

"Do you need help with the mailslot, Brain?" Pinky asked. "I can give you pointers on how not to get your tail caught."

"No, Pinky," Brain replied, setting the _rusuphri_ bag down. "I'm reconsidering. I'd like to propose a temporary partnership with mutually beneficial goals."

Pinky shuffled his feet, suddenly looking as though he wasn't sure what to do with his limbs. "Ooh, already? You're really nice and I'm flattered and all, Brain, and Fig's okay with me seeing other people while she's gone, but I don't really think I can accept without a dinner date first. It's just a little too fast for me."

It took Brain's mind a few seconds to process all that.

Why did it feel like this entire primitive lab was being hurled into the sun? How did anyone ever get anything done under these ridiculously high temperatures?

He didn't even know this Terran!

"Not that kind of proposal, you dolt!" Brain shouted, cheeks burning in embarrassment. He took a deep breath and looked at his own feet. "I want you to assist me through this confusing world and help me find Snowball and the ship. In exchange, I'll help you find a goal you can strive to."

"You will?" Pinky asked, his voice full of awe like he'd just witnessed Brain create a new star system.

Brain offered his hand. "Yes, Pinky. Am I correct to assume that it's customary to seal an agreement with a handshake on this planet?"

"That's right," Pinky nodded, shaking Brain's hand vigorously. Brain had to clamp his free hand around his arm to stop the trembling once Pinky was through with it. "Welcome to Terra, Brain! I promise to help you lots!"

"Thank you, Pinky," Brain said quietly.

There was a lot of work to be done. Materials to acquire and knowledge to gain. But for once, he wasn't alone.

Somewhere in this frightening, colorful world, perhaps Snowball found his own assistant. An inhabitant willing to share their knowledge of Terra. But until they found each other again, this arrangement would be alright for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist ship tease, guys. The interrogation scene was inspired by Tangled, in addition to a little bit of the Perry and Doofenshmirtz dynamic.
> 
> Terra is a huge adjustment for Brain, so we'll see more of that going forward!


	6. Eccentricity

_April 22, 2015! Narf! You'll never guess what happened, Mickey Mouse. I met the Brain! Well, I've only known him for about four months, or less than two days, depending on how you wanna look at it, but if anything happened to him, I would make myself watch Shyamalan's The Last Airbender!_

_Tomorrow, I'm going to the mall and buying a hat. Can't root for Farfignetown (I have to ask her how she spells her name!) at the Derby without a super fancy hat!_

_Love,_

_Pinky._

_PS: Tell Minnie I said hi!_

o-o-o-o-o

Pinky stepped back to admire his handiwork, the tip of his blue glitter gel pen pressing under his chin as he leaned against it. He did his best to copy Brain's messages, but he was probably gonna have to write only the first letters only in the future. He didn't want to take up the entire calendar page again.

His ears twitched at a scraping sound behind him. The sparkly gel smeared against his fur as he turned around, leaving a blue streak across his chest. Egad, if he continued to cover himself in the stuff, he'd look just like one of the Blue Men!

Brain pushed a heavy textbook across the counter, finally stopping underneath a light panel on the ceiling. Then he flipped it open, climbed up, and began to read.

It wasn't the same book he'd started reading after they'd shaken hands to seal their new friendship either.

"Whatcha reading, Brain?" Pinky asked, slinging the gel pen over his shoulder. "I thought you were reading about jeans! So, find anything good? I think I like the flare type best. Skinny jeans make me chafe."

"I have no idea what you're blathering about, Pinky," Brain said, not looking up from the page he was on. His head shifted from side to side as he read on, and Pinky imagined a giant, fluffy marshmallow making the same movements.

His stomach growled, and a marshmallow dinner sounded heavenly. With cheese fondue and rainbow sprinkles and a light dollop of whipped cream on top…

Wait, no, no. The kitchen didn't have Gruyere cheese! Processed American cheese wouldn't provide that proper creamy texture at all.

What kind of host was he? Unable to serve proper cheese fondue to his alien guest?

Then Brain hopped off the book, growling to himself as he pushed up on the hard cover and the few pages he turned. The pages slid into place, but he wasn't tall enough to get the cover to close the entire way.

"Do you need help, Brain?" Pinky asked. He dropped the gel pen and grasped the cover's edge, but Brain smacked him sharply on the wrist, forcing Pinky to let go. Pinky flicked his wrist, and the sting quickly disappeared.

"Don't patronize me! I can get it myself!" Brain snarled. He pushed on the cover again, and it rose a couple inches in the air, only to land against his fingertips. He growled and spread his feet, jumping as he pushed on the cover once more. This time, the cover slammed into the pages with a heavy thud. "Your sources of information are woefully lacking with your livable yet rudimentary conditions. Penumbra had a much better database, and it's been dilapidated for a long time."

Pinky had no idea what dilapidated was. Probably something to do with laps though.

"Oh, well if you need more reading material, I've got just the thing!" Pinky said, motioning for Brain to follow him over to a tiny side table where all the magazines were stacked. "Let's see, we've got Vogue, National Geographic, Reader's Digest…ah, here we are! This one's my favorite out of all the Zoobooks! Lots of pretty horses to look at. Zort!"

Pinky thumbed through the magazine until he found his favorite page, which had gorgeous art of a white horse running on grassy hills. "This one's my favorite," he said as he pressed the magazine into Brain's hands. Brain nearly went cross-eyed just trying to look at it, but he held out his hands and pushed the pages back until they weren't so close to his face. "I named her Pharfignewton after Pharfignewton! Isn't her mane just the flowiest thing you've ever seen?"

"Including or excluding your mind in that comparison?" Brain asked. He closed the magazine and set it on top of the stack. "Your choice of reading material is peculiar, but I suppose brushing up on this planet's ecology wouldn't hurt."

Pinky grinned. "If you think those are good, remind me to show you David Attenborough's work sometime! His documentaries are amazing!"

Brain tilted his head, his antennae bobbing with the motion. "You've mentioned someone named Pharfignewton multiple times. An acquaintance of yours?"

"She's not a quail, Brain. She's a horse, of course!" Pinky laughed at his little rhyme. "Oh right, I've never showed you pictures of her, have I? Where are my manners? Anyway, I left them in the cage. It's right this way! Or left this way. I can never tell which."

Pinky ran back to the cage and squeezed through the bars, Brain trailing behind at a much slower pace. As Pinky slid his right leg through the bars, he realized just how dirty the cage was. There was a small puddle by the water bottle, and straw was scattered all over the place. Crumbs littered the floor around the food bowl, and his wheel had a stain shaped like a pomegranate.

It just wouldn't do at all!

"Sorry for the mess!" Pinky called to Brain, who was watching him curiously from outside the cage. "I didn't know I'd be having a visitor today!"

But Brain didn't seem to care about the mess. Instead, he prodded the locked cage door.

"Nicholas and Mr. Button, you've gotta wake up and help me clean!" Pinky said, shaking them frantically from where they were tucked into the straw. "Narf, you two were up talking late again, weren't you?"

They were too asleep to respond though.

"Okay, well, I'll let you sleep for now, but tomorrow I'll be going over proper cagesitting behavior with both of you," Pinky sighed. He carefully rolled up the photo of Pharfignewton he kept near the straw bed, hugging it close to his body as he slipped through the bars again.

"Pinky, those are inanimate objects," Brain said, bending a paper clip until it was completely straight. He poked one of the sharp ends and winced. "They won't respond to you."

"They're real life objects, Brain. They're not animated," Pinky said. "Whatcha doing with that paper clip?"

Brain pressed his ear against the cage door, carefully maneuvering the paper clip into the lock. It slipped a quarter of the way in before Brain yanked it out again, his eyes darting around the room as if something would swoop down on them.

When nothing happened, he went back to inserting the paper clip. "Nothing to disable here. There's no alarm system on the door," Brain said, turning to Pinky. "I thought you were squeezing through the bars to avoid triggering it."

"I've never had an alarm before. Do you think I should get one?" Pinky asked. "Just so nobody tries to burger my wheel or water bottle? Hmm, what would a burger with those ingredients even taste like? Not very appetizing, probably."

Brain only stared at him, the paper clip almost slipping from his hand in surprise. "Don't tell me the only reason you haven't used the door is because you can't unlock it."

Pinky nodded. "Okay. I won't tell you the only reason I haven't used the door is because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to unlock it."

Shaking his head in dismay, Brain reinserted the bent paper clip until it was halfway in, then turned it clockwise (or was it counterclockwise? Pinky always got them mixed up).

"There," he said, letting the door swing open. "Now you can enter and exit as you please like a civilized _mos_."

"Egad, that's brilliant!" Pinky stepped inside the cage, then back out. In and out again, and again, and he almost started dancing the Hokey Pokey, which would've been a whole lot of fun, but Brain still hadn't seen Pharfignewton's photo!

Now that was a real tongue twister there!

"This is Pharfignewton, Brain! Isn't she pretty?" Pinky asked, pressing the photo into Brain's hands.

The photo had been taken two weeks ago, when her owner had hired a professional to photograph Pharfignewton as she sprinted around the field. Pharfignewton had given Pinky her personal favorite, one that showed her hooves flying through the air and her gorgeous mane streaming in the sunlight. She was having the time of her life, and she couldn't have picked a better photo to give him.

"There's certainly an uncanny resemblance," Brain admitted. "And the size discrepancy between you and her is incredibly blatant. Not to mention the species difference."

Pinky crossed his arms. "Oh, don't be so intolerant, Brain. She's big cause she's a horse, and I'm small cause I'm a mouse. But we make it work."

Pharfignewton would be gone for the next two months, possibly more when she achieved the Triple Crown. It would be lonely, but he could manage.

"You mentioned she was far away when I interrogated you." Brain set the photo down, smoothing out a corner though it didn't have any wrinkles.

"She's still on the road to the Derby, I think. Can't really get in touch with her though. Phones are kinda tricky with hooves, you know." Pinky said. "She's wanted the Triple Crown her entire life. So that's why I gotta make a giant hat and root for her when she races!"

"I don't understand how a hat factors into all this," Brain said.

"Zort! I dunno," Pinky shrugged. "You can't have a Derby without horses, hats, and My Old Kentucky Home. Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a Derby then, would it?"

Brain folded his arms. "I'm currently debating if I should take your words at face value or not. Your customs make no sense whatsoever."

Pinky thought they made perfect sense, and cents, and all of the five senses really, but his stomach growled and that thought was soon forgotten. Brain never had Earth food before, had he?

Definitely a job for a genetically altered Earth mouse to show him the ropes!

But first, Pinky had to clean the gel off his fur. It was starting to clump into spikes, and that wouldn't do at all.

o-o-o-o-o

Pinky rinsed himself in the sink, sticking out his tongue to lap up some of the cool water as it trickled out of the faucet. Thankfully, the gel hadn't settled into his fur and was very easy to wash away. And flicking the water around the sink with his tail was loads of fun too!

Brain stayed on the outer rim, pulling on the stopper and handles by the sink out of curiosity. He edged closer to the stream of water, almost touching it with a gloved hand, but decided against it. But he wouldn't stop staring at it either, like he'd never seen water in his life.

Maybe he hadn't?

The moon was made of cheese and not water after all. Water would make the cheese all soggy and mushy and wash away the cheesy taste that made cheese so delicious.

"C'mon, Brain! Poit!" Pinky pushed his fingers together, trying to send a squirt of water up to Brain, though it missed his nose by a mile and landed on a small crumb on the slope of the sink instead. "The water's just fine!"

"I'll have to decline your offer, Pinky," Brain said. "My information about water is rather lacking, and I'd rather not cover myself in a substance without knowing more."

"I guess water would leave the moon cheese not very tasty to eat, huh?" Pinky asked. He braced himself and shot out of the tiny waterfall, and he was very glad for all the focus he'd put into leg exercises recently, because his running start was enough to get him over the rim on his first try. "Well, all you need to know is that water is wet, it splishy-splashes all over the place, and it's fun to play Marco Polo in!"

Brain didn't look convinced though. He removed one of his black gloves and touched a puddle, rubbing the water between his fingers curiously.

Pinky turned off the water, then dried himself off with a fluffy towel. He double checked his chest to make sure the gel was completely gone and patted down his fur.

"This way, Brain!" Pinky called, jumping off the counter and onto a spinny chair. The seat twirled around for a bit, making him slightly dizzy, but it was all in jolly good fun. Brain carefully climbed down, gripping the drawer handles and moving slowly. He slipped on the last handle and landed awkwardly on his right leg. He grimaced for a moment, his nose scrunching up rather adorably. "Blueberry bagels and cream cheese, here we come!"

"Your sustenance on Terra, I assume?" Brain asked. He followed Pinky through a corridor and into the kitchen, his large head turning every which way to take in all the sights of ACME Lab. Now that it was daytime, there were more colors than just shadowy blue. Pinky wondered if Brain would try to name the colors he saw. Pinky tried once, but there were just too many pretty colors streaming in from the window pane above.

"They aren't consonants, Brain. They're delicious and all, but they wouldn't fit with the alphabet. A little bit of a mouthful, don't you think? Poit!" Pinky climbed up the cherry-print towel hanging on the refrigerator door like he'd done a million times before. He braced himself against the fridge door, pressed his legs against the handle, and pushed with all his might, feeling that familiar strain of his stomach muscles.

The door opened with a satisfying pop. Breathing heavily, Pinky tumbled more than he climbed down the towel, landing on the cold floor of the refrigerator.

"S-surely there has to be a more e-efficient way to open a door than your method." Brain's teeth chattered together, his ears flattening to avoid the sudden chill. He took a few steps away from the open fridge, his arms folded in front of his chest. "Is it a-always this cold?"

"Oh, I haven't even opened up the freezer! If you think this is cold, you'll really feel like a mousesicle in there! But it's worth it if you wanna get to the strawberry ice cream with the cute little mini spoons! Maybe some other time though. Right now, it's important to get a daily serving of cheese!" Pinky exclaimed as he pushed two small tubs of cream cheese from a middle shelf. They each landed on the floor with a thud, and Pinky jumped down and retrieved them, closing the fridge door behind him with his foot.

Brain sighed in relief as soon as the door was closed, his arms dropping to his sides.

"They keep the blueberry bagels by the bagel warmer," Pinky said as he led Brain out of the kitchen and into a room that had been marked with a yellow and black caution sign. The bagels were so delicious they even had to warn everyone to take caution! "Oh, now that's a tongue twister. Blueberry bagels by the bagel warmer. Boobelly beige by the baguette warmer...oh, that's a toughie. I'll work on it."

The bagel warmer was an oddly shaped toaster, with lots of wires and bulbs sticking out along the sides and top. It even had a conveyor belt running through it, but Pinky thought it made this toaster really unique among toasters. Why, he'd even been toasted in this toaster himself! Though it wasn't as much fun as crispy pieces of bread made it seem. He just remembered a lot of smoke and electricity. And there'd been a lot of narf inside too.

Pinky set the tubs of cream cheese on the floor, then climbed up to the conveyor belt, which was propped on metallic cylinders.

"This is so much easier with two mice!" Pinky crowed. He peered down at Brain, who curiously poked at a red wire on the floor. "I don't mind eating bagels by themselves, but there's something about toasty bagels that just warms the heart!"

"If they're truly that delectable, I suppose there's no harm in trying it," Brain replied.

"Did your file thingies say anything about Earth food?" Pinky asked. Because Brain sure didn't seem to know much about tasty things.

Brain shook his head. "The Selenians didn't bother with information about the lifestyles or cuisine of Terrans. It was irrelevant to their cause."

Oh. Pinky tried to imagine being an alien who didn't know anything about cheese, but came up blank. He'd eaten cheese and food pellets his entire life. He couldn't imagine a world without them.

"Pinky, are you aware that machine is also apparently a gene splicer?" Brain asked, pointing to the letters along the side.

 **ACME GENE SPLICER AND BAGEL WARMER** , it said.

"So it does. But the only things that go in are bagels and lab mice. Don't think I've ever seen anyone try to splice a pair of jeans. Oh, that reminds me!" Pinky snapped his fingers. How could he have forgotten something so very important? The silly machine was on the gene splicer setting! Pinky pressed a conveniently labeled button that said 'press here for bagel warmer setting'. How nice of the scientists to label their stuff!

He was so glad he discovered that before sending the bagels through. The gene splicer setting would've made the bagels extra crispy, and while Pinky didn't mind, extra crispy bagels were a taste one had to get used to first. Nope, it was better to start Brain off lightly!

"Can you please get two blueberry bagels from the bag, Brain?" Pinky pointed to a bottom cabinet where the bagels were kept, grinning at the new tongue twister he'd come with. Egad, he was good at this! "They're the tan circles with a hole and blue specks in them! Kinda like a donut, except without the frosting and sprinkles. Zort, Brain! You've never eaten donuts, have you? Oh, I am definitely making a list of foods you need to try!"

Pinky hopped onto a tall table and neatly tore a paper towel off its roll, then laid it flat on the conveyor belt. Following Pinky's instructions, Brain retrieved two bagels from the cabinet and passed them up to Pinky. Brain still seemed rather confused about the gene splicer and the bagel warmer being one and the same. Pinky carefully separated each bagel so that he had four half-bagels with the inside lying face-up and arranged them on the paper towel so they would all be nice and toasty.

Then Pinky realized he'd forgotten another thing. Namely, that he didn't know how to turn the bagel warmer on.

He scratched his head.

That could be a real issue.

"Pinky, do you actually know how to work this machine?" Brain's voice sounded oddly strained. Pinky turned around. Brain was hanging onto the side of the conveyor belt, his legs wrapped around one of the metal cylinders. He'd tried to climb up himself, but his arms were too short to get a proper grip, and if he leaned over anymore, he'd fall right on his chubby head.

Pinky reached over, grasping Brain's wrists and trying to haul him up, only for Brain to be resistant to help. He wouldn't budge, his wrists feeling oddly tense under Pinky's hands. His pink eyes were wide and apprehensive, pointed ears flattening against his head.

"Brain?" Pinky said. "I'm just gonna haul you up. Could you relax a bit please? It'll be much easier."

Brain didn't move for a second, searching Pinky's eyes warily. Pinky just gave him an encouraging smile. Brain looked away, his brow furrowing, but some of the tension left his wrists.

Pinky pulled him onto the railing of the conveyor belt, Brain's feet scrabbling in the air briefly before settling firmly on the metal.

"Thanks," Brain muttered. He walked over to the various buttons and levers, examining each one curiously.

"You're welcome, Brain!" Pinky brought one hand to his forehead in a salute, only to remember that Brain was an honest-to-goodness alien, and probably didn't know that particular gesture. So Pinky tried to make the Vulcan salute instead, but it was kinda tricky with only four fingers instead of five.

"This is very intriguing," Brain breathed, pressing his face against a small closed window that offered a look into the gears and wires within the bagel warmer. "Yes, pure lithium power source, proton accelerators, and automatic anti-inertia capabilities? The use of nanoplasmic charges leaves a lot to be desired of course, but to have the rest of these things in one machine at your fingertips…"

Pinky didn't understand anything Brain just said, but the alien's fingers were twitching in excitement, his nose smushed against the glass. It was the first genuine smile Pinky had seen from the alien since they first met, and Pinky thought it looked really good on him. Even nicer than the jumpsuit, which was already really fashionable. "If you figure out how to turn it on, that would be really great!" Pinky grinned. Brain pulled down on a nearby lever, and the conveyor belt began to move. "Egad, brilliant!"

"The lever was labeled, Pinky." Brain waved him off, pointing to the word 'on' stenciled next to him. But his head tilted up and his chest puffed out too. He seemed to like that word a lot. "Wait, you figured out the machine was on the wrong setting, but you can't turn it on?"

Pinky shrugged. "It's not really my type, Brain."

"Never mind," Brain sighed, the tips of his ears turning as red as his nose. He turned back to the machine window. "I want to observe this process."

"Me too!" Pinky exclaimed, and he hopped over to the window, smushing his nose against it just as the bagels were swept into the machine. Blue electricity sparked and jumped all around the metal structures inside, and the glass warmed beneath Pinky's hands.

It was a beautiful sight, and Pinky licked his lips as the bagels crisped from the heat.

Beside him, Brain watched the electricity intently, murmuring a bunch of smart words Pinky didn't understand, but definitely enjoying the show too.

Within several minutes, the bagels gained an extremely nice golden brown crisp, and the conveyor belt moved them out of the bagel warmer. Brain pulled the lever up and the conveyor belt stopped moving, the thrum of the machine beneath their feet slowly fading away.

They weaved around long, multicolored wires as they made their way to the other side, where the bagels awaited them.

"Troz! Looks positively dee-lish!" Pinky exclaimed, poking at one of the bagels. Firm and flaky, just how they were supposed to be. His mouth watered in anticipation.

"The scent alone is quite appealing," Brain agreed, taking several sniffs of the bagels. "I've never smelled anything like this before."

Pinky grinned at him. "Oh, just you wait, Brain! The real magic is just starting!"

Sliding down the cylinders, Pinky retrieved the two cream cheese tubs they'd left on the floor and passed them up to Brain one at a time. His lower leg strength had improved a lot in the past few months, and it was easy for him to hang on while he passed the tubs up.

"Show-off," Brain grumbled as he took hold of the second tub.

Pinky just laughed as he fetched two plastic knives from a drawer and carted them back to Brain and the bagels.

"Here you go! Bon appetit!" Pinky said. He gave one of the plastic knives to Brain, who gingerly ran his finger across the toothed edge as he examined the flat, see-through handle. "Oh, be careful with those, Brain. You don't wanna cut yourself."

"Not to worry, Pinky," Brain said. "We have knives on New Selene. But I've never seen one with this particular material before. And much duller too."

Pinky peeled away the cover of a cream cheese tub, drooling over the gorgeous smooth white surface inside. Brain copied him with the other tub, pulling off the cover completely. The alien took off his gloves and sniffed the cream cheese a few times, swiping one fingertip through the cream cheese. Then he tasted it.

Brain's eyes widened immediately, his antennae perking up. He licked cream cheese off his fingertip four more times before he realized Pinky was watching him. Brain ducked his head and fiddled with his sleeves.

"That was…even better than I anticipated," Brain admitted, his voice full of wonder.

"Aw, you don't have to be embarrassed if you like it, Brain. I'm glad you think so, cause blueberry bagels and cream cheese is my favorite. Well, so are food pellets. And marshmallows, especially the puffy kind. And smiley face lollipops and…poit! I have a lot of favorites, it's so hard to choose just one! Zounds, mac n'cheese too! You really need to try mac'n cheese, Brain! That one's definitely going on the list. Anyway, if you think the cream cheese alone is good, try this!"

Pinky dipped the knife into the cream cheese. Once he got a good coating, he spread it across the surface of the bagel, took the largest chomp of the combined food he could manage, then swallowed. It went down a little rough, but it was delicious all the same.

"Scrumptious!" Pinky exclaimed. "It's like a party in your mouth!"

Brain copied his actions again, and while he preferred to rip off chunks of the bagel and slather cream cheese onto smaller pieces, his enjoyment of the food wasn't any less than Pinky's. He made some funny 'mmm' noises in the back of his throat, his eyes closed in bliss as he worked his way through the first half-bagel.

Pinky started on his second half, licking cream cheese off his lips. This was a nice way to spend the evening.

"Brain, you're welcome to share my cage if you'd like," Pinky offered. "Mi cage es tu cage, you know."

"Are you sure, Pinky?" Brain swallowed, thumping his fist against his throat to make the bagel go down. "I know we're in a mutual partnership, but I wouldn't want to impose in your living space."

"You're not imposing," Pinky said. "Besides, plenty of unmarried people share living spaces these days."

Brain was silent. He continued spreading cream cheese across a small portion of bagel, even though it was completely slathered at this point.

"Snowball and I were in neighboring cages. _Aisam_ had to be housed alone because of their inclination towards territorial aggression. We had separate quarters for the journey to Terra as well." Brain nibbled on a corner of his bagel. "Point being, I've never shared a cage before."

"Sharing is caring," Pinky smiled, finishing the last of his bagel. "Besides, it's one more new experience for both of us. Isn't that just dandy? I just hope Mr. Button and Nicholas didn't leave too much a mess."

"Very well. But we're moving that sponge bed I slept on last night into your cage. It was much less aggravating for my back than the usual fare," Brain said. "So…thanks for that, Pinky."

"You're welcome, Brain," Pinky replied, rubbing circles into his belly, his hunger satisfied.

Beside him, Brain seemed satisfied too. And there was nothing better in all the world than sharing blueberry bagels and cream cheese with a new alien friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK this one's more of a breather chapter since the last 5 were like wham bam nonstop stuff for the characters. Sorry it took so long to get this one out. Next chapter will have Pinky finally getting his hat and Brain's first mall excursion!


	7. Perturb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter somehow got long so a lot of stuff I wanted to originally place here's going in the next one.

_Terran Date 2015.4.23_

_Since I currently lack access to my regular equipment, I'm making do with an audio recording program from a Terran computer. I must admit it's not nearly as efficient as my usual method, but it will have to suffice._

_Pinky is an…interesting host. I won't deny that he's rather generous, and the delicacy he identified as cream cheese is surprisingly palatable. I've also taken up residence in his cage which he also kindly offered for my use as a safe place to sleep. The sponge bed has been moved to the cage per my request._

_Objective assessment of Pinky: his species is a lab mouse, his eyes have to be some odd mutation because it cannot be possible for them to be that blue, and he's an amiable idiot. As I'm recording this, he's currently scolding two inanimate objects for their failure to keep the cage clean in his absence._

_Today's goal: Pinky is planning for a trip to the local mall to obtain a hat to wear for the Derby. Once again, it's an illogical custom I am unfamiliar with. I've agreed to accompany him for two purposes. The first, clues on Snowball's whereabouts. And the second, to gather intel on Terran habits for world domination purposes. Snowball and I will be able to put my information to good use when we're reunited._

_Signing off for now, the Brain._

o-o-o-o-o

Getting lost, losing communications, and the unrelenting solitude were the major dangers of setting foot outside of Penumbra. Only the first two conditions applied now.

Pinky leapt through the mail slot and danced along the pavement. He wore a lavender blouse that left his shoulders exposed, his shorts made of a Terran material called denim. Apparently, this excursion was also an opportunity to make a fashion statement. But Brain didn't see the practicality of Pinky's clothes. The silly Terran stepped on an odd rock here and there, but his twirls didn't slow down. Just looking at him made Brain slightly dizzy.

Thin, white clouds drifted lazily in the vast blue sky far above them. Brain looked up, one hand on his brow to shield his eyes from the bright sunlight. New Selene and the stars weren't visible, though they were somewhere much higher than the sky.

He squinted and lowered his gaze to the ground, dark spots forming in his vision and making everything rather blurry.

Brain had switched his jumpsuit and gloves for a Terran disguise, a simple red shirt and another pair of denim shorts, both items borrowed from Pinky's large collection of outfits. But since Pinky's legs were longer, the shorts technically functioned more like pants, and the shirt was knee-length. Though it was comfortable, so he went along with it for now.

Besides, Pinky had been shockingly adamant about the jumpsuit and gloves needing a wash. Brain had protested at first since the material had anti-olfactory functions built in, but Pinky insisted and Brain agreed if only to shut up the Terran.

Procuring formal clothes for conquest would just have to wait.

And there was another issue he hadn't anticipated.

Everything was so colorful and loud. He was so used to everything being muted and dark. Already he missed the ever present hum of the lab technology, and he'd barely set foot outside the door. Brain stood on the coarse welcome mat, on the border between safety and the unknown.

He was just grateful his accelerated healing kicked in overnight, and the bandages were no longer necessary.

"Come on, Brain!" Pinky shouted as he skipped along the pavement, careful to avoid all the cracks. "The sidewalk is great! Just don't step on the crack, or you'll break your mama's back!"

Brain scowled. "My mother is on a different planet entirely, if she hasn't already fallen victim to the many dangers of the natural world. Stepping on a cracked rock here on Terra will have no effect on her skeletal structure. The two actions are entirely uncorrelated."

"The corals are related?" Pinky gasped, hands flying to his mouth in genuine surprise. "I knew they looked similar!"

There was absolutely no reasoning with him, was there?

A large, sleek metal structure roared down the large stretch of pavement in front of them, a cloud of smoke trailing behind it as it rounded a corner and disappeared. It wasn't his first time seeing one of those vehicles, since they'd been peppered throughout the satellite images he'd viewed back on Penumbra.

 _A car. One of the forms of land-based transportation on Terra_ , Brain recalled from the file on Terran technology. _Highly practical for traveling long distances._

Cars were much larger in person. The images made them seem so tiny.

And once again, he found himself woefully lacking essential information. Did cars function similarly to a rover? How did it zoom by so quickly? What was the power source?

He looked up at the sky again, but the sunlight had somehow gotten stronger during his pondering, and he quickly averted his eyes.

"Poit. Your eyes are so squinty, Brain!" Pinky lightly tapped Brain's head, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Don't look directly into the sun. It's bad for your eyes and you'd need to eat lots and lots of carrots to fix them and then your fur will turn orange!"

"A side effect of all this light," Brain replied, making a mental note that carrots were an edible item that caused orange fur. He'd have to avoid them in the future. "I'm fine. Let's depart for this…mall."

The word felt strange on his tongue. But his feet wouldn't leave the safety of the welcome mat.

"I'd love for you to come along, but if you'd rather not, that's fine too," Pinky said. There was a slight tinge of disappointment in his voice though, but he still seemed as sunny as the actual star. It was somewhat unsettling.

" _Won't you join my little expedition, Brain?" Snowball wrapped an arm around Brain's shoulders. Fine mist trailed from the aisam's claws, surrounding them with an icy chill that traveled up Brain's spine and settled into his fur. "The road to Eclipse Lab is awfully barren and I could use a little company. Perhaps we could test our skills with star identification along the way."_

_Brain shoved him away and Snowball clicked his tongue in disappointment._

" _For the last time, I'm n-not interested in visiting that horrible, scrik-ridden m-mess of a lab, Snowball. If you wish to leave New Selene sometime in the next cycle, you will allow me to fine-tune the propulsion system in peace," Brain retorted, hating the tremor in his voice caused by a brief yet violent case of the shivers. He picked up a wrench and examined it for overuse damage, turning his back on Snowball so he wouldn't see Brain's hands tremble._

_Whether it was from the cold or the mere thought of setting foot in the place where he'd been prodded and restrained by long, claw-like fingers, he couldn't say._

" _You can't be an invertebrate, Brain," Snowball grumbled. His disappointment was palpable, and Brain's fingers tightened around the wrench. "Our combined intellect is unparalleled and far superior to those imbecilic Terrans. Whatever it takes to rule, whatever it takes to wear the crown, we must seize it by any means possible."_

_Then he was gone, and the Conquistador's silent frame became Brain's steadfast companion._

"Earth to Brain! Oh sorry, should I say Terra to Brain instead? Come in, Terra to Brain! This is Lieutenant Pinky reporting in! Over!"

Pinky was suddenly in front of his face, and Brain leapt back in surprise. He must've been lost in his ponderings again. Pinky held something behind his back, something bright and yellow poking out near his tail.

"Yes, Pinky. I hear you," Brain sighed. Then Pinky showed him the item behind his back, and it turned out to be the oddest pair of safety goggles Brain had ever seen in his life. The star-shaped frame was yellow and provided little protection for the nose, and the lens were tinted dark instead of clear. "These goggles are highly impractical for technical work."

"They're sunglasses actually. Slipped inside and grabbed 'em while you were pandering. I use these if I'm playing movie star-slash-chiropractor! Try them on!" Pinky said. Deciding it was best to humor him, Brain slid on the glasses, and his vision became a shade darker. The colors were still there, just not as bright. The headache that had threatened to form dissipated into nothingness.

"This is bearable," Brain said. Pinky was slightly darker as well, though the tinted lens did nothing to diminish his shining blue eyes.

Pinky clapped his hands in glee. "Exactly! Also works for grizzlies and honey bears and teddies! And now you're a movie star too!"

Brain rolled his eyes, sweeping his antennae back so they didn't get in the way. "That's not a classification of any star. Despite your questionable logic, and I use that word in a fairly liberal sense, the color spectrum of your planet is no longer a strain on my eyes. So…thanks."

"Aww! You're welcome, Brain," Pinky said. "And really, you can wear them in the lab too. I don't mind."

"No, Pinky. I'm coming along. I have goals to accomplish during this trip," Brain said. Taking a deep breath, he stepped off the welcome mat, then hopped off the step and onto the pavement.

It wasn't as difficult as his mind made it out to be.

Pinky laughed, and Brain barely got out of the way in time before several ounces of idiosyncrasies could crash into him.

Brain wouldn't get anything done by sitting around and being too afraid to leave the lab's safe haven. Somewhere underneath the massive sky, Snowball was likely planning his own day's activities. And today, they'd be taking the first steps to conquer Terra.

Through any means possible.

o-o-o-o-o

Brain prided himself on his keen observation skills, something that would serve him well when he and Snowball finally exploited the inhabitants' many weaknesses. Pinky considered it a 'a blousery, blustery, beautiful day', whatever that meant, and skipped to and fro in every direction to take in the sights of the city. Brain kept him in view at all times, not wanting to be left alone in this strange world.

He quickly found that the word 'Terrans' failed to encapsulate the biodiversity of the planet, in addition to individual differences between members of the same species. Humans varied greatly in size, shape, and appearance, though even the tallest ones weren't nearly as large as a Selenian. Some had their heads buried in their devices with cords going into their ears and were oblivious to their surroundings, and Brain had to keep an eye out for those dangerous folks since they didn't seem to care about anyone in their path.

While inconvenient for him, their failure to pay attention could easily be turned into an advantage.

Several humans walked alongside quadrupedal creatures that sniffed the ground and had collars and ropes around their necks that led to a handle in the human's hand. Pinky called them 'dogs' and 'leashes'. He was more than happy to clarify anything Brain didn't understand, and while he figured that he would have to research Terra more in-depth later, Pinky's happy explanations were sufficient for now.

Brain firmly held Pinky's hand as they passed by a human and a golden-furred dog with large paws and a long, panting tongue. The dog sniffed them curiously and made a 'groomph' noise, and though it didn't seem hostile, Brain dragged Pinky away before the dog had the opportunity to slobber all over them.

But even the 'goldy', as Pinky called it, was more preferable to the tiny, yappy thing that Pinky identified as a 'Chi-wa-wa'. At least it was yanked back by its leash before it could give chase to them.

Pinky called himself a mouse, and his friend Pharfignewton was a horse. Two species down.

The flying creatures were pigeons, crows, and sparrows. They ate whatever they could scavenge on the ground. The tiny things that scurried around his feet were insects, and Pinky yanked him back from stepping on a sidewalk crack filled with red and black 'ants'.

"Fire ants will make your feet itchy and tingly!" he warned. "And not the pleasant kind either!"

Brain committed his warning to memory.

Cars crawled by slowly on the street, packed closely as far as the eye could see. They made odd screeching noises from time to time, the humans inside grumpily slamming their palms against their steering devices.

Lights on every corner controlled the flow of cars. Everyone became furious with red and brightened when it was green. He wasn't exactly sure what yellow was supposed to do since some cars sped right past and others came to a stop. Regardless, humans were dependent on those lights in their vehicles. It was an interesting observation.

There were plenty of additional rules too, which Pinky was adamant on teaching. Only cross at the white strips at the lights, and only when the red hand changed to the green human. Look left, right, then left again before crossing. Pat your head and rub your belly if you see an out-of-state license plate…well, Brain was pretty sure that wasn't a safety rule since none of the humans were doing it. Just a Pinky thing then.

Everything was alive, from the structures that creaked on the highest buildings to the scattered pebbles underfoot. While he'd known the planet's atmosphere carried sound far better than New Selene's, experiencing it for himself was nothing short of fascinating. He'd have to research the exact composition that made it all possible later. Energy flowed towards him in all directions, though the daytime thankfully masked his glowing orbs.

Blending in wasn't difficult either. Humans were more oblivious than he thought.

"Last corner, Brain!" Pinky exclaimed, twirling happily as they waited for the signal to cross the busy intersection. "Then we're at the mall! You'll love it! There's food and clothing and perfume and toys and-"

"Pinky, what exactly is the purpose of a mall?" Brain asked. Pinky had been rather unclear on that. Mostly he'd just been gushing about all the fun things they could do.

"To do fun fun silly-willy things with your friends and look at stuff you can never afford on a lab mouse's salary, of course!" Pinky replied.

The signal to cross finally appeared, and Pinky skipped merrily across the white strip, nimbly avoiding getting trampled by several humans walking in the opposite direction. Brain walked at a normal pace, keeping his tail close to his body. He didn't trust the distracted humans to watch where they were going, especially since their handheld devices seemed to hold more importance than avoiding getting run over heavy wheels.

As Brain stepped onto the sidewalk, an odd texture struck him on the head, knocking his sunglasses askew. Several drops of a lukewarm liquid splashing onto his fur. It didn't hurt, but it was still an unpleasant surprise. The human next to him didn't notice. He was too busy yelling into his device and gesturing wildly, then stomped off in a huff. He almost trampled Pinky, who barely managed to pull his tail out of the way before the man's large foot crushed it.

"Well, he was certainly rude. He littered and didn't say sorry for dropping the cup on your head!" Pinky complained as he helped Brain to his feet, his blue eyes narrowed at the man's back as he disappeared into the crowd. He cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted in the man's general direction. "Hey, litterbug! I bet your mom's older than you! Narf!"

He gave a firm nod, satisfied with his ludicrous and underwhelming insult.

A furious Pinky. That was an interesting concept, yet anger and Pinky somehow remained mutually exclusive in Brain's mind.

"Not to worry, Pinky," Brain said, wiping the liquid away from the base of his antennae. He returned his sunglasses to the proper position. "He's long gone. I've suffered worse."

Pinky took a deep breath, then took a sniff of the cup's opening and wrinkled his nose. "Maybe he wouldn't be so grumpy or litterbuggy if he put more sugar in his cappuccino," he sighed. "Styrofoam too. Can't recycle that."

Dragging the cup over to a nearby garbage can, Pinky hoisted it over his head and trying to stick it through the hole on top. The cup was barely over the rim, Pinky clinging to the metal with one hand and scrabbling for a foothold. He wasn't giving up without a fight, so Brain grabbed Pinky's ankles to give him the extra boost needed to push the cup in.

Pinky climbed down once he heard the dull thud from inside the can. "Thanks," he said gratefully, though he still seemed unusually morose.

Brain walked into a section lined with vegetation and dirt that separated the street from the mall. But Pinky didn't follow. He was looking into the direction they came from. "The cup's in the proper place now. Let's go, Pinky."

Instead of following Brain, Pinky moved to the curbside, looking down at his feet. Really. Pinky came to the mall for a purpose, however inane it was. He needed to commit to that goal.

Brain growled in frustration, grasping his wayward companion's wrist and pulling him in the mall's direction. Pinky stumbled, but hardly budged otherwise. "Quit being stubborn, Pinky. The sun will burn out before you twitch a finger at this rate."

"But the rest of it…" Pinky whimpered, pointing to the street.

The road was filled with cups like the one Pinky had just thrown away. Filthy, damp, and unreadable papers lined the curb. A plastic bag tumbled in the wind. There were even a few objects that might've been clothing at one point.

Some people passed them by without a care in the world, others clicked their tongue at the mess but hurried on their way. Two people on the other side of the intersection were clothed in white from head to toe, picking away at the garbage with long sticks and depositing them into large bags.

From the sheer amount of garbage that lined the streets, Brain thought it was a futile effort on their part.

This was one of Terra's downsides. Its inhabitants were destroying the very planet they lived on. It was one of the few observations the Selenian scientists were accurate about.

Pinky reached for a mass of papers, a revolting yellowish-green grime covering its surface, but Brain pulled him back before he could touch it.

"Don't touch that with your bare hands, Pinky," Brain scolded. "It's unsanitary."

Pinky pouted. Now obstinance. He shifted moods rather quickly, didn't he? It was baffling.

"We gotta take care of Mother Earth, Brain!" Pinky protested as Brain dragged him into the vegetation. "Or there won't be any pretty flowers to sniff and the acorn and pinecone elves won't ever set aside their differences to sign that peace treaty!"

"The databank contained many details regarding the pollution of Terra, Pinky," Brain admitted. "So I'm aware of the issue. But cleaning this one street would take time we can't spare. You're being sidetracked from your goal, and I can't achieve my own objectives either."

"Wait…" Pinky murmured. "You're gonna rule soon, aren't you? So you can definitely protect the world! That's wonderful, Brain! I know you can do it!"

The sudden shift in mood caught Brain off-guard.

 _I can?_ Brain almost said, but the hope shining in Pinky's eyes quelled that uncertain was nothing but sincere admiration in that pool of blue, a massive surge of electrons flowing from Pinky's chest into Brain's antennae.

He would dare describe the electrons as a positive charge. How? Electrons were supposed to be negative! What kind of anomaly did he have the terrifying pleasure of knowing?

Brain cleared his throat, focusing on the enormous sprawling complex in front of them. Pinky's blind faith was off-putting, and it was much easier to disregard it. "Of course. I will have unquestionable power in the near-future. Solving these issues will be easier than calibrating an auto-navigation interface."

Pinky blinked.

"And…I'll oversee those peace treaty negotiations between the elves."

Pinky brightened immediately. "Thank you, Brain! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Long arms snagged Brain and lifted him off the ground in an enormous hug. Brain's feet kicked out, but the warmth Pinky emitted had the strangest subduing effect. Brain's antennae weren't obstructed either, just swept back. Apparently, Pinky learned from last time.

Brain's chest was oddly warm. Or maybe it was Pinky's. It was hard to know for certain.

"Your orbs are so glowy," Pinky said in awe.

And they weren't achieving anything from this display of sentimentality! With some difficulty, Brain reclaimed his right arm and bopped Pinky on top of his empty noggin.

Pinky immediately let go, stumbling around dizzily and startling a nearby sparrow with his loud giggles. Brain landed on the base of his tail, a brief painful twinge travelling up his spine. In hindsight, he didn't plan that well. At least there wasn't another kink.

"That was jolly fun, Brain!" Pinky exclaimed upon recovery.

If he ever had the spare time, he was definitely researching the differences between actual Terran phrases and Pinky-isms.

"I'm sure," Brain sighed, though he wasn't sure and never would be, but Pinky didn't need to know that.

They walked into a large, multi-level structure that Pinky called a 'parking garage', which housed a large amount of dormant vehicles. It was similar to the traffic they'd passed earlier, but the drivers were elsewhere. They were packed close, almost touching, and Brain wondered how anyone could possibly get in or out in these tight quarters.

Another few inches closer and the drivers would be completely trapped. That idea had potential.

Pinky hopped onto each yellow marking on the ground, arms flailing as he tried to avoid the gray areas in between. Brain followed at a more sedate pace. Then Pinky gasped and straightened up just as he landed on the last yellow marking before the mall entrance, Brain nearly bumping into him.

"Look, Brain! Somebody's dropped their wallet!" Pinky gasped, hurrying over to a black object lying against the curb. He undid the zipper and glanced inside. "Egad, that's a lot of money!"

Brain peeked inside. A wad of folded green paper was tucked inside one of the pockets. "A currency-based economy? Selene and its colonies utilized barter systems," he said.

Which could be an issue. Brain had originally planned to trade the _Conquistador_ 's spare parts for useful items.

"Oh no, Brain. Currants would get squished in your pants. Then you'd need a really strong stain remover," Pinky replied. "Besides, this man's very lucky he can buy so many hats! That's what I'd do if I had any money!"

He must've misheard that. Surely.

"Pinky, tell me you brought the monetary value required for your hat."

Pinky dug his hand into a fur pocket, but only came out with a piece of fluff. "Hmmm, well, I have some dryer lint! Only money I have is Nicholas the Nickel, and he's cleaning the cage with—oh."

His ears and tail fell limp under Brain's glare.

Brain kicked a loose pebble, and it ricocheted harshly off the base of a metal sign. Of all the native species he could've chosen for a guide, it just had to be the one individual whose head was denser than a neutron star.

"Sorry, Brain," Pinky murmured. "I'm not very good at this goal-setting thing, am I?"

He said 'sorry' a lot for placation's sake. But no matter the context, he always sounded sincere. Brain pushed his sunglasses up to his forehead and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to be irate with Pinky anymore.

"You require more practice," Brain replied. He glanced at the strange, valuable green papers in the wallet. Funny how they came across the commodity needed at this moment. "However, it's most fortunate that we should stumble on the item required in trade for your hat."

The money was all in 20s and 50s, and while Brain was unfamiliar with this currency, he figured there would be enough to spare. He took the money out of the pocket and tucked it under his arm. Then he flipped his sunglasses down, but Pinky tugged the money out of his grip before he could walk off.

"No, Brain! That's stealing!" Pinky protested, slipping the money back into the wallet. "This rightfully belongs to a Mr. Joe Lamont! We have to take this wallet to Lost and Found now!"

Pinky's stubborn side came out randomly, it seemed.

"The money is here at your convenience, Pinky. You have to use every asset possible to achieve your goal," Brain said.

"What if Mr. Lamont needs this?" Pinky tapped a card that displayed a human's photo along with other identifying information. Then he pointed to a small picture of a man and woman. "What if he needs this for anniversary or birthday presents, or else his wife won't be happy and he'll be sad cause he left his wallet somewhere and what if someone picks it up and won't give it back? Cause that's just mean!"

"Then he should've been more careful with such a valuable item," Brain snapped. Pinky made a noise of disbelief and turned his back to Brain. "So take one or two of the papers for yourself and give the rest back."

While he'd prefer to keep the entire wallet for future use, it seemed he would just have to compromise with Pinky.

"He won't notice."

"NARF!" Pinky retorted.

His assumption was wrong. Pinky wouldn't accept a compromise either. It was a losing battle, and as much as hated conceding defeat, no other options presented themselves.

"Fine! Do what makes you happy! See if I care!" Brain shouted at Pinky's back.

He was only presenting the most logical solution. It wasn't his fault this idiot wasn't taking the opportunity! And none of this was helping him find Snowball or conquer Terra either!

"Returning the wallet would make me happy, Brain," Pinky said with conviction.

"Why?" Brain asked. This wasn't the type of goal-setting he'd pictured at all.

"It feels right."

Tasks should be performed with efficiency in mind, not for emotion's sake. But it seemed that keeping Pinky in his normal euphoric state would be in Brain's best interest for now.

"Alright, let's return that wallet. Neither you nor I shall use any of the money for personal reasons. We're heading to the…Lost and Found?" Brain said reluctantly. He took a deep breath, reminding himself to keep Pinky in a good mood. "You lead the way. I'm not familiar with this locale."

Pinky faced Brain, and the bright smile was back. Brain looked away. He wasn't doing this out of altruism, and Pinky needed to learn that.

"Yup, it's like the Island of Misfit Toys, but for car keys, jackets, and other things too!" Pinky exclaimed, hoisting the wallet above his head. "And now it's for Mr. Lamont's wallet!"

The satellite images never pinpointed a geographical location named the Island of Misfit Toys. Probably situated next to a more prominent landmass then.

"Welcome to Macy's, Brain!" Pinky cheered as they entered a pristine white building. "For all your expensive brand clothing and Thanksgiving Day needs!"

The store was brightly lit, so Brain kept his sunglasses down. Numerous bottles of varying colors were on display. Women shouted from behind their counters, urging passersby to purchase their products. Most people walked by quickly, looking rather uncomfortable and twitchy until they were far from the display area. Only two women seemed interested at all, spraying misty clouds on tiny strips of paper and sniffing them curiously.

"What are they doing?" Brain whispered as he shuffled closer to Pinky for protection's sake. There was a predatory gleam in those workers' eyes, and he didn't like it one bit.

Even Pinky with his near-perpetual cheer seemed uncomfortable, his fingers anxiously drumming against the wallet. "Poit. Selling perfume. All sorts of lovely scents, but this is definitely why online shopping is more popular these days."

Before Brain could respond, one of the workers suddenly rushed towards them with a manic smile that showed way too many teeth.

"Hi, you wanna buy some perfume buy one and ya get another half price 'til May!" she shrieked. Without giving them a chance to respond, she sprayed perfume directly in their faces.

Pink mist engulfed them and obstructed their vision. A pungent scent clogged Brain's nose, trickling its way down his throat, and he let out a hacking cough to expel it. Pinky's wheeze suddenly turned into a yelp, and by the time the mist cleared, the woman was walking away with the wallet in hand.

Pinky clung to the wallet desperately, his legs kicking out as he was hoisted into the air. "Please, miss! Brain and I—ehem—Brain and I need to give this wallet to Lost and Found so Mr. Lamont can buy his wife nice presents!"

"Oh, it's a sizeable wallet you've got there too!" the woman exclaimed. Brain found her pitch highly grating. "Let's see, with money like that you can get lilac, honeysuckle, eau de escargot, a perfume that smells like wet goat hair sponsored by Gwenyth Paltrow-"

"I'm sure they smell lovely, but-"

"Very lovely indeed!" the woman spoke over Pinky, who could only dangle helplessly.

Brain gritted his teeth and hurried after them, shaking off his earlier disorientation. When she stopped to jabber about perfume again, he slammed his tail onto her bare ankle and administered a quick shock. Startled, she dropped Pinky the wallet. Brain darted between her sandals just in time to catch Pinky, who clutched the wallet to his chest, slightly dizzy from his sudden fall.

The perfume bottle was aimed in their direction again.

Brain took off with Pinky in his arms, running as fast as he could when those dreaded sandals got too close for comfort. He allowed Pinky to safekeep the wallet, since he was already so protective of it.

"Relentless _scrik_!" Brain panted as the woman hurled various sales pitches behind them. Pinky wasn't heavy, but the wallet was a different story. And Pinky made it look so simple!

Well, Pinky was simple in general. Perhaps it was a distributive effect.

"Brain, go into the carpeted area!" Pinky shouted. "She can't follow us out of her department!"

Deciding to trust Pinky's word, Brain ran straight onto the carpet, barely dodging someone's shoe in time, and his foot caught on the raised border between the carpet and tile. He fell onto his face, one of the sunglasses' handles digging into his fur on impact. Pinky and the wallet tumbled across the floor, coming to a stop a short distance away.

As Pinky predicted, the woman stopped chasing them.

"Annnnd there goes my bonus," she muttered dejectedly. She slammed the perfume bottle onto a nearby counter, startling a sleepy coworker who toppled off her chair in surprise and plastered on a fake smile for a passing customer. He glanced at her briefly and walked away with a grimace.

"Sooo…welcome to Macy's?" Pinky laughed nervously. "On the bright side, we smell like radish roses now!"

Brain threw a button at him.

o-o-o-o-o

They kept to the corners after that fiasco, hoping to avoid drawing attention to a moving wallet. Pinky marveled at the various styles advertised by a human-like object he called a 'Manny Kin'. He prattled on about the models and clothing, and Brain tuned him out to better observe the humans.

The younger ones appeared restless and bored out of their minds. The adults often stopped to admire an article of clothing, checked the price, and shook their heads before moving onto the next item. Everyone was dressed in a far more casual style than the clothing on sale.

"Oh, here's the mall center! It's where all the real fun happens, Brain!" Pinky said, his tail wagging in excitement. "Plus, the Lost and Found is just beyond this store. We'll make Mr. Lamont happy in no time!"

Instead of a back wall, there was a large, doorless opening that led out of the store. Pinky danced his way across the boundary with a cheerful goodbye to the Macy's sign. As Brain stepped into the wide open space, he was astounded by the sheer scale of the mall center.

He'd expected a plain corridor that connected different sections, not a massive space with a roof that appeared to touch the sky. The population density was much higher than in Macy's, humans loudly chatting among themselves, shouting at consumers to purchase wares, and swinging large bags from their arms.

There were two floors above their heads, connected to the ground by staircases and escalators. The escalators seemed by far the popular choice for people moving between floors. Brain felt dizzy just looking at that open space above them, and he decided to focus only straight ahead for now.

Dozens of smaller stores lined the walls. Most of them sold clothes like Macy's, and Brain couldn't fathom why humans needed so many stores just to sell clothes. A fresh, rich scent wafted through the air, and though it was much more pleasant than the perfume, it made him somewhat famished as well.

"Look, Brain! The cookie shop! Don't they smell divine?" Pinky asked with a dreamy sigh. "They taste delicious too!"

"Another one of your foods?" Brain asked, though it fell on deaf ears. Pinky had gone over to the display case, practically drooling on it as he admired the cookies inside, the wallet leaning against his side.

Brain stood on the other side of the wallet, just in case anyone had any ideas about stealing it.

At first, Brain thought the cookies were classified by ingredient, but one of the groups was labelled 'snickerdoodle' and Brain was of the opinion that no sane planet in the universe would ever call anything by that strange moniker.

"Let's be on our way, Pinky," Brain said, because there wasn't anything productive he could do while his Terran guide was staring longingly at cookies. "That wallet won't return itself."

"Okay, Brain…" Pinky said forlornly. His hands squeaked sadly against the glass, but before he could pick up the wallet, a woman came out from behind the counter, her dark hair tied back in a bun. She approached them with a napkin in one hand.

Brain grabbed Pinky's hand and the wallet, tensing up in case he had to yank them away at a moment's notice.

But the woman made no move to snatch the wallet. She only squatted next to them and held out the napkin, revealing two small pieces of cookies. "Free sample?" she asked. "They're fresh out of the oven."

"Thanks so much...Laura!" Pinky read the name tag pinned to her shirt, then snatched up one of the pieces and shoved it into his mouth. Crumbs stained his muzzle. "Narrrrf! That was dee-lish!"

Cautiously, Brain took the second piece and bit into it. Sweetness flooded his taste buds, and he quickly finished his portion, the cookie melting in his mouth. If anything, Pinky had understated how delicious it tasted.

"It's exquisite," he said to Laura, who beamed right back.

"Glad you enjoyed it!" Laura said. She provided them with wet napkins so they could rid themselves of the remaining crumbs, and they left the cookie shop behind.

"She was so nice, Brain!" Pinky said, safeguarding the wallet once again. "Sugar cookies are my favorites! Well, after chocolate chip and macadamia and snickerdoodle-"

Brain nodded. "She didn't steal anything while our guard was down. Count that in your definition of 'nice'."

Thankfully, they didn't have to walk far to get to the Lost and Found. Brain hoped to put this wallet nonsense behind them in the next half hour. They had objectives to fulfill.

The Lost and Found was in a hallway that led to an exit from the mall, and Brain made a mental note of its location. He refused to set foot in that Macy's ever again.

A podium was situated in front of the doors, and the worker behind it nervously held out a box to an irate man in a formal suit similar to the merchandise at Macy's. He snatched the box and threw several articles of clothing and various lost items to the ground.

Pinky lifted the wallet above his head, his feet tapping in excitement. "That's the man! He looks exactly like his pictures!"

Mr. Lamont was practically tearing the box apart without any regard for the other lost belongings, and the worker's eyes were wide with fear. That didn't bode well. Brain grabbed Pinky's tail, but it slipped out of his grasp. The idiot had no sense of impending danger and walked right up to the belligerent man.

"You're hiding it, aren't you?" Mr. Lamont snarled, slamming his hand against the podium. The worker cowered behind his chair. "Hand over my wallet this instant, or you'll be out of a job."

The worker paled.

Brain rushed over to try and pull Pinky back. Mr. Lamont hadn't noticed them yet. There was still a chance they could slip the wallet among the other items and leave without detection.

"Hi, Mr. Lamont! You dropped your wallet in the parking garage!" Pinky greeted. "Me and my friend here were just taking it to Lost and Found, and what a coinkydink we'd find you here too! Isn't that great?"

Pinky held the wallet up expectantly, that silly smile never leaving his face.

Mr. Lamont snatched the wallet out of Pinky's hands, wrinkling his nose haughtily.

"You're welcome!" Pinky chirped, then happily turned to Brain. "We did it!"

Pinky had done most of the work, but if he wanted to share credit, Brain chose not to correct him. "Yes. Now we may return to what we originally-"

Mr. Lamont's foot slammed into Pinky's side, too fast for Brain to shout a warning. Pinky yelped as he was thrown into a wall. There he laid in a crumpled heap, hands wrapped around his abdomen for protection.

"How much did you take, thief?" Mr. Lamont spat. He cast a looming shadow over Pinky, who whimpered in pain, tears forming in pitiful blue eyes.

It was such a foreign appearance for the idiotic but kindhearted mouse.

A strange fury overtook Brain, one that was much different from dealing with troublesome ships, arguing with Snowball, or frustration with his current predicament. It brewed in the depth of his stomach and spread through the rest of his body.

Brain whipped off his sunglasses, placing himself firmly between Pinky and the ungrateful reprobate.

"He stole nothing from you," Brain growled. "Count the money yourself, you repugnant excuse of an organism, unless your mind has degraded far beyond the ability to perform simple arithmetic."

"And just who do you think you are?" Mr. Lamont sneered.

Brain crossed his arms proudly. He refused to cower before the Terran. "A genetically enhanced Selenian _mos_ seeking dominion over your world."

And when all was said and done, Mr. Lamont would be bowing down to him.

But that glorious fantasy was cut short. Brain saw the black sole of a shoe, there was a forceful pressure against his body. His limbs refused to cooperate. He couldn't reach his tail for self-defense, his heart pumping faster and faster until it couldn't compensate for the lack of electrons anymore-

The crushing pressure vanished.

Faraway voices blended together, one angry, one meek, and one familiar.

Someone lifted his head, a gentle hand moving his antennae aside, then slowly pushed his head down until he rested against soft fabric. Brain's fingers twitched. His full mobility would take several minutes to return, but this wasn't a terrible position to wait it out.

A drop of moisture fell on his face, followed by several more.

_Rain?_

He'd heard of that particular climate pattern, but had never seen it in action before.

Brain opened his eyes, craning his neck to see this curious phenomenon. But he was met with Pinky's tearful gaze instead.

He'd learned much of Terran culture during this expedition, but was it really worth all these ridiculous emotions?

"Stop dampening my fur with your lacrimal ducts, Pinky," Brain said, his voice hoarse.

Pinky managed a giggle, inanity that was far more preferable to all this crying. "Sorry, Brain. I don't have any milk. But are you okay? P-p-poit."

"I'll need several minutes to recuperate. Then I'll be ready." Brain felt his cheeks heat up from the proximity. Mobility returned to his right leg, and he couldn't wait for this mortifying close contact to be over. "Where's Mr. Lamont?"

Pinky scowled at the name, an expression that looked odd on him, but not wholly unwelcome. "Mr. Lameany called you vermin and left with his wallet. But you're not vermin, Brain! You're my best friend!"

A childish insult. He'd have to teach Pinky about using more sophisticated language.

"And you…are Pinky," he sighed, patting Pinky's arm.

Pinky smiled brightly. At least Brain could strive towards one of his objectives. They weren't quite through with business at the mall though. He'd have to tough it out.

But for now, he settled back against Pinky, who happily taught him the age-old Terran method of settling arguments known as rock-paper-scissors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINISHED AT LAST.
> 
> I am not making stuff up as I write I totally had a plan for this fic y'all can't prove nothing.
> 
> Brain gets to learn good and bad stuff about Terra, poor Pinky gets hurt. These mice can't even go the mall without something happening, can they?

**Author's Note:**

> Have an Alien AU because it's fun (and also probably because I've watched too much of the original Star Trek but hey)!
> 
> Also all Selenian words are literally just me stringing a bunch of random syllables together. It's not based off anything except an online alien word generator. With the exception of nova, since that's already a word but I'm allowed to steal from the English language. Plus I happen to like the name of this fic cause it surprisingly didn't take long to come up with. I just wanted a cool space-themed word.
> 
> Aisam: Snowball's species, similar to hamster.
> 
> Mos: Brain's species, similar to mouse.
> 
> Dholmuth: An edible fish-like creature notorious for its smell.
> 
> Scrik: A flea-like pest.
> 
> Nova suphri li ihmin var altal: I ain't telling y'all yet, though the existing definition for nova does apply to a certain degree.
> 
> Next chapter: Pinky being fun fun silly-willy!


End file.
